Wednesday 31 December 2014

Resolutions...I Think Not

Oh dear its that day when i should make up my mind to be skinny , richer , nicer  etc etc etc . Stuff it my last resolution must have been twenty one years ago , just before i got pregnant with my youngest mmmmm that went well
I was going to lose 3 stone instead I gained 3, story of my life .
I could always post a review of my exciting last year ? Thrift shop of the year ? My best rated posts perhaps ?
Instead I will bring you a few of my recent  highlights , best xmas present given to the munchkin !!!
A belching farting Bulldog , oddly I love this gaudy thing despite being allergic to

Man logic, when you cant find the rolling pin use a black pudding??

Must update ebay with loads of PVC Disney , honestly I will do this tomorrow , the nearest to a resolution i can manage

And finally never do your Approved Order without getting someone to check , yes I was caught ordering what I thought was beef and vegatable  pie guessed it , dog food and we dont even have a dog!!!

Monday 29 December 2014

Baldrick & Blackadder

Today I've had Blackadder & Baldrick maintaining my vehicle, it's been walk away and stuff a hankie    In your mouth funny painful and cringeworthy .
Mr Bah Humbug is never going to have a career in teaching and his youngest is not an easy pupil. He's now on his third year and third course at the local college, I think his tutors can't handle more than a year of him, his catchphrase is . "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing"and he gets slung off each course , he's currently doing vehicle maintainence
They pulled both vehicles nose to nose , then started feeding and watering them, within ten minutes my son said I'd better get out there.
The air was blue , Mr bah Humbug was just nicely getting into full flow with his son in his face , he'd been trying to put my bonnet down by sitting on it and bouncing up and down. Now my car is a total shed , so I don't worry about it. This had degenerated into screaming and sullen teenager so I just put the kettle on and walked away, called Mr Bah Humbug in for a cuppa , and left a sullen teenager putting air in the tyres.
After Mr Bah Humbug had calmed down, he called his Baldrick in for a cuppa , he's yacking to his brother and says , I've an app on me phone tells me all the tyre pressures ......We just look at each other then shoot outside, yep you guessed it he'd clown tyred all of the vehicles and the air is blue once again...
I just keep thinking five more sleeps till he goes home and. I was given a bottle of Glenmorangie for xmas

Saturday 27 December 2014

Bye Bye Xmas

Breath a sigh of relief , it's over with , done and dusted. The last of the turkey curry will be finished tomorrow, the only lingering trace of Xmas the decent cheese in the fridge.
Decorations took down , most of the toys confiscated or destroyed.
Did it go well? Food wise yes , people wise?  Well you can't make them get along even when their family.
It was pointed out that why should they be pleasant to someone who had plastered all over Facebook that he hated us and was going to petrol bomb us a few months ago!!!  Happy family's
My mother sent her usual Xmas message of doom, along the lines of is he in Broadmoor yet, well at least it keeps her away.
Meanwhile from experience, I'm beginning to wonder if my stepsons genetic problems are masking schizophrenia , he's not particularly stable at times and the talking to himself and the random noises are getting worse. Maybe I notice more because it's been a few months since we last had him.
I have got through it yet again and it's nearly back to normal and thrifting and crafting time just another few days and most of them will depart, my life will be nearly my own again.  Can't wait

Wednesday 24 December 2014

Xmas Bleedin Xmas 2

Oh Joy, was my remark as the alarm went of at 4am this morning . Mr Bah Humbug had got his xmas head on and wanted to go shopping!!! Managed to persuade him that we only needed to go to little Tesco , then went round a deserted store taking the stuff out of the trolley as he put it in , repeating over and over again ,we already have that , we already have that . £89 pounds of things he needs later , its MC Ds for a coffee and home for half past 6 , when its too dark to unpack the shopping . He then goes back to bed and leaves me in charge of the zoo , plus an excited munchkin who cant stop dancing about and singing his rather odd versions of xmas songs , think Mariah Carey meets Frozen !!! Plus hes now decided that a hula hoop is a great item to use in the kitchen
They have informed me that i must clear the floor completely in my little corner of the kitchen, a chore i have nearly completed by building the leaning tower of crap !! If they think that this is a challenge then  they better hope they dont want my vehicle till after xmas, because i plan to stuff it all in there ...he he he.

The urge to murder my better half is rising rapidly , its his baking day , think vast quantites of JusRoll pastry and a lot of bleedin
The hoover has been awaiting fixing for 3 days !!! bleedin men
Plus hes snoring and im sneaking on here for a crafty hour .
 Meanwhile im sending frantic texts to my daughter for the stuff  ive forgot , non essential items like potatoes..doh
Things can only get better ...cant they
So a Merry Xmas to All of those who are fighting in the trenches of xmas , for a bunch of lazy idle ungrateful family

Monday 22 December 2014

Lets All Run away

By now ive reached the stage where I want to just ram the turkey in the oven then run away !!!
Ive come to the conclusion im going mad , Mr Bah Humbug says its just hormonal, in a smug way . You know things are bad when hes even on the naughty list .
 Now we have his youngest for xmas, he was kidnapped from Walsall the other day after his mother begged us to have him , ive a feeling she may be moving house as we speak and leaving no forwarding address!!
Now he has his problems as long term readers will know , but he just presented an all time classic dilemma to his dad , one that even my ghastly brood never managed . He is apparently on an ASBO that forbids him from entering any ASDA or retail establishment . We cant leave him alone in the house on his own because he steals off the others and us given the chance , hes basically a 19 year old kleptomaniac . There was a blazing argument this morning because he wanted taking into Lincoln , I told him no chance as he has no money at all with him and if he went shoplifting i would not let anyone pick him up from the police station , so now im getting the surly death stares off them both , because this means his dad is effectively grounded, which he isnt happy about and im in the dog house for pointing out that he now knows how his mother feels .
Meanwhile ive spun a couple of little work tasks out to last me most of the day , visited a pleasantly busy little asda and iceland , been for a coffee with a christians etc ....

I really felt that nothing else can go wrong ......then i rang my mother

Sunday 21 December 2014

A Xmas Domestic Goddess

Come on admit it how many of you are supposed to be making your mince pies and mulling your wine , but are actually pretending having got out the mixing bowl and scattered a bit of flour around?
Your really hid in the house somewhere, on the puter reading blogs arent you
Well that makes two of us , the urge to stab bleedin Kirsty Allsop and her Xmas aspirations is upon me . severe bitter twisted old bird here .
 I have long realised that my family are a bunch of chavs , they wont care if the custard comes out of a packet or the mince pies cost 75p from Heron this morning for a big freezer bag full .
The only Xmas spirit theyre interested in comes from the Off Licence ,they will drink Lambrini and Carling till it comes out of their ears, even my aspirational daughter reverts to antifreeze coloured alco pops given the chance .
The munchkin will be unimpressed with everything he gets off Santa and will have broken or had confiscated most of his loot by dinner , he will be lucky to survive the day unless i start on the red wine when i get up to ram the turkey in the oven
The cat is even on my hate list , he will be under my feet all the time and you just know someone will feed it something stupid ..... remember if the cat gets to the turkey while its defrosting , damage can be hidden with strips of bacon and the cat can be stuffed up the turkey .
My mother ...lets not go there till tomorrow!!!!

Saturday 20 December 2014

Xmas bleedin xmas

Sometimes as a none participating xmas person, you can see the sheer crazy of it all . So heres a few points I feel I must draw to your attention .
Why does every pensioner , especially those in their 80s decide to take to the roads in the final days of the xmas feeding frenzy? A case in point was my dad , he was so little that it used to look as if a Trilby hat with no occupant was driving his Ford Fiesta , Nana Sylve at the side of him was even tinier , to make the experiance even more scary , he used to have an oxygen cylinder behind his seat just so he could stay conscious long enough to drive anywhere . Nana would park him in a pub and potter of to get her "fresh stuff" In his last year he decided to have an angina attack in the pub and we got a frantic phonecall from nana because he was fighting off the ambulance man , he had paid for his pudding and he was damn well eating it!! .
The point of this is.....please take your wrinklies shopping , despite there. " I can manage"discussion

this really does look like my dad 

Wednesday 17 December 2014

Merry Xmas From the Unemployed

Dont get excited , five weeks unemployed tomorrow and Mr Bah Humbug has just received a whopping £100 payment of JSA , we would have been in a right mess if we hadnt been prepared . So today was his weekly sign on appointment , while I wait outside and wait for the sound of sirens , his toleration of fools and idiots being rather low at the moment, plus he had a particularly evil grin when he went inside .
He wasnt there for that long and the evil grin was even worse when he came out

I think ive just baffled them .
....Err Why
I told them im not doing any more jobsearch , so they threatened me with a sanction .
Told them I start work on the 5th January and they wernt very happy
Theyre not happy because ive only been out of work 7 weeks in total and theyve funded my computer course.

Yes thats right he got told off for finding a job , he enjoyed his computer course last week , I think it was more to do with a week in a heated building , sheer

So Sue you must have read the tea leaves when you said New Year New Job, The job in question is a bit strange I gather , but its more money, less hours and somewhere warm and dry . He had to sign The Official Secrets Act to get it and hes on 12 weeks trial , so we will see how it goes , but he has an evil grin plastered all over his face

Lincoln job & soul removal center
picture stolen off the internet 

Monday 15 December 2014

Supermarket Sweep

Sometimes even i get a nice surprise , after my recent horror visit to the morrisons cafe , I actually left a post on their Facebook page , to my amazement a very nice lady from Morrisons emailed me the next day and addressed my concerns  and today i received a £10 voucher . So thats the christmas meat bought, a nice bit of pork . What a difference in customer service between supermarkets . A Tesco complaint about blue plastic found in a veggie burger  , took a week to reply and they wanted me to take the complete product back to the store for a refund, as if you would keep a cooked food product for a week!!
Meanwhile in the real world ive spent a whole day doing every xmas competition I could find , i usually win something of no use whatsover , its a bit of a xmas ritual . Back to work and thrifting tomorrow !!!

Saturday 13 December 2014

Rock n Roll Xmas

Mr Bah Humbug took me out last night for a bit of wild living , off to Lincoln Brant Road Club to see The Hicksville Bombers and their support Shane . What he hadnt realised was that this was The Lincoln Rock n Roll Xmas Party , complete with buffet .

Mr Bah Humbug has been playing them to death in his van for months , bear in mind that when i met him he still had enough hair for a flat top , now hes just a grumpy balding . Fat Elvis was there along with thin Elvis and dodgy Elvis . The dancing was amazing , the age range was spectacular from the Americana young ones, to those who have jived there way to hip replacements , there was many gorgeous dresses and it was a great night , they even had retro stalls at the back . Shane was great  , he has a band of his own that we will make the effort to go see .

Big surprise of the night was the lead singers daughter who performs in her own right as Sharna Mae

Thursday 11 December 2014

Thrifty Finds For A £1

Lets get the gripe over with for today , popped into Boston Asda for me perishables , Mr Bah Humbug has been moaning that we never have butter anymore so i thought id treat him to spreadable Lurpak for xmas . £6.20!!!!!! for a large tub , I admit it must be a year since I bought any , probably last xmas but i remember it was £4 something then , isnt inflation supposed to be 1.?% .needless to say he got the £1.80 big tub of something chemically concocted "Bears No Resemblance To Butter "
 Gripe 2.  Why does Asda never have any of its cheap bread in at 45p , just gaps in the shelf , I have hungry males, they can demolish a loaf at one meal so why would i pay 75p a loaf ? not a huge difference but cheap bread fits in the toaster properly and im counting pennies frantically at the moment . Breadmaker is out and ive got parsnip bread festering along with some weird fridge soup in the slowcooker for  tonight .

Just so that I would have something thrifty to show and tell i spent my £1 hot drinks money in the thrift shop yesterday , quite pleased with what i got and it all has a none xmas theme
Loved these Meakin Castile Maidstone plates , my rubbish dishwasher has broken yet more, so I actually needed these . Marked Willow Pattern tablecloth that can go in the soak and bleach pile for the spring , they currently have a big tub of embroidered , crochet and vintage tablecloths  and pillowcases in at the Moorlands Relate 10p each so scuttle on down . A little Scandi Thing? ive seen these on lots of American Blogs , first one ive found in the UK, may stage my own Thing On the Shelf Party

Pretty big girl shirt that doesnt fit , into the cutting pile it will go , Hillstonia mini planter , I have an awful lot of these , just like the browness of it . Best of the lot this plastic OK made in Hong Kong back to the 60s childs Sewing machine , not working it has a broken knob , but as i want it for a display item it doesnt matter in the slightest .
I successfully filled a bag for a £1 due to the 10p sales in Moorlands Relate , see even a broke thrifter can still pick up pleasing rubbish

Monday 8 December 2014

Its Begining To Feel Like Grinchmas

Oh tidings of comfort and joy .......................Im starting to feel positively like a disgrace to my social class at the moment , 4 weeks plus and Mr Bah Humbug still hasnt found a job and is still engaged in wondering what the heck is going on with the benefit system . We still have been unable to access a penny from our amazing benefit system , we are managing just. To get by, we sold a vehicle one of the things we usually do in times of emergency , this means every day takes some serious organisation to get everyone where they need to be , but its not impossible .
Best laugh at the benefits office, because we are in council accommodation we will be moved to anywhere there is a job vacancy for  Mr Bah Humbug , his job being a bit specialised . Not quite sure where the rest of us are going to live , we all  have jobs in Lincoln !!  but hey ho , cant wait to see how they will make that work.
Meanwhile the press and government are moaning about food bank usage , I can see why its use is growing , the benefits system is just a total shambles you muppets .
Now lets see where im a disgrace to my working class origins
1...I havent any tattoos , Mr Bah Humbug has a couple from 20 odd years ago and the kids have none 2...We rely on each other as a family when times are hard , we dont assume the state is our parent
3.. Sorry i havent got a big enough TV to fit in , this frequently draws a look of horror from visitors
4...Dont smoke never have , would drink if i could afford it, but cant .
5 ..Have boring phone that just makes calls and texts
6..Dont own a Staffie
7..Havent bought anything on HP for over 20 years

See im a misfit , bring on xmas , theres a scabby cheap mass produced turkey waiting in the freezer which i will perform miracles with over the xmas period . Havent a clue what else we will have but turkey dinner is sorted...the xmas present to ourselves is heating oil , lifes just  so exotic these

Thursday 4 December 2014

Of thrift & Morrisons

So this week has been an endless week of running about with Mr Bah Humbug and sneaking off to the odd thrift store with pennies . Have you noticed that most of the thrift stores are bursting at the seams , but have done away with the cheap rails and replaced them with xmas stock . I still havent seen a single bit of vintage xmas anywhere but i did get a whole bag of clothing and fabric for pennies . Relate had a 50p rail full of Boden  which i left behind ,but  i got a gorgeous big girl summer maxi dress , dont forget they dont have storage at a lot of shops so now is the time to stock up on your summer wardrobe !!!  Relate have two shops in Lincoln so i thought id go to the other on Moorlands and scored a huge gorgeous grey velvet curtain with a tatty edge for a whole nothing , yep it was in the free bin , plus some more for the fabric shirts for 10p each !! I did get the death stare when i got home with a huge bagful , but i did use the £1 hot drink money to fund this bonanza that Mr Bah Humbug had donated to me  I must admit that after xmas when they all get desperate to shift the party frocks is always a bonanza on the fabric front .
As a "treat" yesterday Mr Bah Humbug after selling a vehicle to fund xmas and heating oil , thought wed pop to Morrisons for a bit of dinner and some shopping , now Morrisons is where your mum goes shopping and as usual is full of pensioners . Usually we take great grandad to the one in Scunthorpe to do his shopping and have a dinner. You go to the counter order your food then join the queue for drinks and to pay , that is where things started to go wrong , one of the drinks machines was out of order so for 15 minutes were stood in the queue , so i spent 15 minutes viewing the squalid filth that was Lincoln Morrisons , the drinks machines tatty and held together with mangy tie wraps , the fact that none of the surfaces looked to have ever been wiped , admittedly your meal came straight to the table once you sat down , but by now it was lukewarm and congealing , every surface apart from the tables had black grime on it there was food waste living on the menu holders was a really yuck experiance and i wont go there again .
The only plus point yesterday is that we get 100 litres extra for the same price as last years oil, it must be the only thing thats got cheaper this year!!!

my doll problem really does go this far