Thursday 30 April 2020

Plague 24

Well the Morrisons delivery was interesting to say the least , no veg , one pack of grapes , most of the fresh and frozen missing instead we got 13 chowmein pot noodles and lots of own brand tomato soup . You cant even check if the substitutions are any good and send them back at the moment .  I finally made the effort of complaining only to get a standard reply saying i should order the overpriced grocery boxes .
My daughter had tipped me off that the old Lincoln Lidl was fully stocked and there wasnt much of a queue , so off we toddled , only 4 or 5 queuing so big trolley time . Security on the door but it wasnt to bad a few odds and ends missing but the first time id seen tinned milk or flour for weeks , not a lot of frozen stuff but there was plenty of stock of everything else , so i did a big shop a really big shop the struggle to push it and see over it shop , i was generating tons of muttering and scowls from other shoppers , but thats it ive achieved and managed to restock pretty much everything and it will last for weeks . If we live that long .   Next door also had a delivery from Morrisons and commented that hers was equally strange and not very useful , but theyre the only company that is delivering round here at the moment .
Anyway due to the lack of frozen stuff at Lidl i hit on the bright idea of  wandering over the road to B&N it has a Heron inside , the queue was down the road which seemed a bit strange , all with big trolleys , when i finally got inside it was even stranger , the shelves opposite the door were packed but then once you got in all the food section was ransacked and pretty much empty except for all the weird sauces and spices they stock . So i trundled down to the far end to go to the Heron section it was pretty much deserted and well stocked , got what i needed then got harassed by a mangeress shouting 2 metres apart 2 metres apart , small problem the aisles are so narrow that you cant pass in them , all those with trolleys seemed to be heaping up curtains bedding and decorating equipment and all those aisles are nearest to the tills , which you couldnt get to for the people in those aisles , so the whole store just ground to a halt with the manageress still running round barking at everyone, a very surreal experience .
Glad it should be well over a month till i need to venture out again except for pills , came home sat down and slept all afternoon , only to be woken up by MR BH moaning i forgot to get him any piccalilli and another delivery of wholesale catering supplies that were very cheap 

Sunday 26 April 2020

Plague 23

So heres a few tales that i would struggle to make up...Mumsie
So on ringing mother the other day , its usually an hour of her ranting on and me going really  , yes , no . she informed me that shes finally discovered Wiltshire Farm Foods and shes not cooking ever again  thank god for that she was moaning the other day that shed set fire to the microwave .
Now i stalk my mother on various facebook sites local to her etc . Had a good chuckle that the police had to put up a post stating that the groups of men hanging round not social distancing were actually the local drug squad hanging about waiting to do a raid , how many calls had they had on the dob your neighbour line had they had?
My call to mother the other day however ended with me having to hang up because i was in tears and in great danger of a puddle on the floor .
The wonders of Boris , theres a bloke with a twinkle in his eye! As if his ability to impregnate vacuous blondes is a miracle Oh and he sent her a letter !
 Those proper suited boys on telly everyday telling us the good news . The spawn of Alan Bastard reading the soddin autocue they cant even get right . 
And just to finish me off . Isnt it a good job all the foreigners fucked off home , now they wont be fondling her lettuce anymore ...ffs why wasnt i adopted this image is stuck in my mind forever 

I have no idea what is going on with the font and print type on Blogger ive given up 

Friday 24 April 2020

Plaque 22

Ho hum....well im progressing quite well with my no dig gardening , its all a tad late looking at the weather , but who trusts the English weather , we had a late Easter scooter Rally at Great Yarmouth many moons ago when on the final day we had 6 inches of snow . So the cabbage patch has been covered with carpet and they will go in once its done its work straight into the cabbage cages to keep the butterflies away .  Second sewing of broad beans today , we can never have to many of those , did tons of old squash seeds yesterday i soaked them for a couple of days , so we will see , the grounds nice and warm so i can chuck most things straight into the ground . The Strawberry Patch is looking pretty tragic and there were hardly any runners to pot on , must order some seed to start for next year . Nothing very exciting to report at all , i await the Morrisons delivery with interest  Saturday seems to be the only day they deliver in this area but even their odd and interesting version of your shopping list is a help .
Mr Bah Humbug is insisting on going to his departed dads at the weekend to start sorting out his garages and sheds , im not going . In the spirit of being a right cow ive pointed out there is nothing he cant live without and im not helping . I also pointed out its me who will have to look after him if he catches something . So his brother and one of his kids have been roped in and im getting the death stare and the attitude . Personally i dont see how losing your life over a load of yet more rusty crap he cant use is justified . The village hes going to is the local Corona hotspot .

Wednesday 22 April 2020

Plague 21

im wondering  how many of the Plague series there will be ? Will it get to 50 or 100?  im usually online first thing while doing kitchen chores and starting the washing looking for interesting cheap grocery items that can be stockpiled , ive just got that pricking in my thumbs feeling that food may well be a big problem later in the year , the UK is becoming more and more reliant on overseas imports and whos planting the crops if everyone is ill and dying ?  Hotel catering suppliers seem to be chucking up some interesting bargains at the moment and theyre more than happy to sell to the public
The funeral went off yesterday without to many problems , not to happy that Mr BH ended up taking his brothers whole family but then it was his brother doing the driving . At least none of his dads brothers and sisters finally decided to not attend they are all in their 80s. Eldest daughter did turn up from Nottingham but didnt bring her tribe .
I have pointed out to himself that he is now isolated he was none to amused when i presented myself for morning duties wearing  a Cagoule , decorators goggles and a nice pair of Marigolds . Was i taking the piss?  it didnt quite register as he needed yet more industrial painkillers , he decided to do graveside on his crutches instead of his wheels as he said his dad would have bollocked him for having no respect .
 I gather the highlight of the event was the fact that the cemetery is directly next to RAF Coningsby and theyre doing afterburner runs at the moment till the early hours of the morning as we can vouch for!!  The funeral took forever because every time something took off it drowned out the vicar , his dad would have been impressed as he was ex RAF many moons ago.  Plus it kept interfering with the vicars bluetooth hymns from his phone

Monday 20 April 2020

Plague 20

So its monday morning and what has changed in the world ?  thought id tackle the Daily Heil this morning and see what propaganda for pensioners they are spouting . So we now have a new hate society in the Murdock view finder . China lots of posts of how they have lied about the extent and causes of Corona . Well guess what all governments lie , some are better at it than others .  People are still dying in China of Corona , they are merely over the peak , that doesnt mean its not going to be around for months if not years .
Major Tom bless his heart , hope they scrounge a meeting with the Queen to make the old blokes day , they may have to meet in individual bubble tents to avoid the virus but that looks like the future of being vulnerable elderley for the future .
Then theres America...i know i have a lot of American readers so i hope i dont offend anyone . You do realise that the internet and media are presenting you all as gun toting loons at the moment ? Those of you that i actually talk to seem to be taking the Corona virus just as seriously as the rest of the world . Social Isolation etc etc .
 I do suppose its hard to grasp the seriousness of the virus situation when you live in a property miles from others where you rarely venture out except for beer and ammunition . But those in towns and cities are being hit hard , the poor and ethnic minorities are dying in droves , partly due to unaffordable health care .  In 14 days or so all those gun toting dickheads who are marching waving guns and group hugging around government buildings will find out the hard way that they may have few symptoms but they will pass on a virus that can kill anyone to members of their family.  They think its imaginary and being hyped up ?   In the UK everyone knows someone who has had this, many have died some will be left with lifelong disabilities , it damages organs permanently .  Others get over it without more than a cough and a couple of weeks of grotty .  Somehow i dont think the right to bear arms is going to be a lot of protection

Saturday 18 April 2020

Plague 19

So lets talk about the weird world of shopping . The fact we are not going anywhere means he had a bit of money in the bank , so yesterday he got all excited because hed had an email from our oil suppliers telling us 500 litres could be had for a grand total of  £115  , last year we bought early and got the same amount for £270 which left us broke for 2 months and at the time that was a good price ,we havent had a bad winter so we used about half of that . He asked if we had anything else urgent and theres nothing outstanding on the list , so he bought the oil .  At least no fishing has been good for something as i dread the winters .
I did the fresh stuff run yesterday down to the coop , for bread and bits , still gaping holes in the shelfs though they had a miracle,  toilet rolls which at £9 a pack they can keep . I think the problem we have is that the few shops we have are geared towards tourists , theres endless chillers of sandwiches , which ive bought quite a lot of for pennies the cheese ones go in the freezer then in the sandwich maker to have with soup , another old chap had got a basket full i noticed . Theyve had another wine delivery so the pensioners are all walking around clanking , good job theyre not limited to 2 , i think that would cause a wrinkly riot , oddly theres a shortage of cleaning stuff , but ive tons in so not a problem . To get half thats on your list you also have to pop into Sainsburys local they seem to have different shortages , hardly any meat but this week we have bacon !! they dont have veg but tons of salad , they also had pasta which people were getting excited over . We have barely touched pasta since daughter and grandson left .
Oddly since all this kicked off ive noticed that , ive far to much rice , himself not been to keen ,i was crafty with this and got the rice thats vacuum sealed so nearly bleedin immortal ,  i dont need so many tinned tomatoes , id already given daughter a load before the event , I need to amass a bit more of a selection of some packet mixes , yes i have all the spices but his lordship gets more picky by the day.  I do need to stock up on tinned mushrooms , we have mowed through them, i still have plenty of bread making stuff and gram flour . I do think that investing in another bulk purchase of dried onions is a good idea and ive run out of dried egg that nobody noticed was dry when i scrambled it .
On a plus note theres quite a few bargains to be had on stuff that was doubtless produced for the hotel and catering trade , Wensleydale Creamery has big catering blocks of good cheese at a very reasonable price , cheese freezes but this is properly aged cheese so it keeps anyway and it maintains its flavour when cooked , something the likes of Cathedral City has never mastered .

Thursday 16 April 2020

Plague 18

So Mr BH reached the grand old age of 50 , hes not doing bad for someone who was given two years five years ago , his disability grows ever worse but his general health has improved in a lot of ways , sadly his weight hasnt, but at least it remains static. Now he got his wish of a pork pie instead of a birthday cake . And a chinese in a box from M&S which was far to much for two people , but he has shared it with our huge glutton of a hedgehog .
Mentally hes not in a great place at the moment it doesnt take much to set him off crying , the death of his dad has hit him hard on top of the fact that if he catches Corona its the end of him and he dwells on it . So yesterday was going quite well , hed had tons of calls from family and friends , ive spent days reminding everyone . Then i notice hes quietly sniveling, on asking it seems that his eldest daughter had contacted him on facebook and had a right go at him about grandads dying , why didnt he know what was happening how it had happened etc , why couldnt she go to the funeral etc etc . We are not organising the funeral we havent seen anyone to ask, all we know that because it is just an internment at the cemetery in the family plot that we didnt realise he had , only 5 people can attend , its just the 3 sons and his partner and her brother . No 1 daughter had gone online and it says 10 people can attend burials  so she and her tribe are planning on traveling from the other side of the country.  As i told him you cant cure stupid , let her get on with it  and make sure he stays at least a couple of meters away from her .   Due to his walking its a really bad idea him going anyway but i can understand him wanting to , so his brother is taking him hes been locked up as well as he has severe asthma so i think the chances of either of them catching anything off each other are very slim and theyre taking our car instead of travelling in the limo with the others .  Theres nothing worse than families at a stressful time

Sunday 12 April 2020

Plague 17

You do get the feeling that mother nature is now taking the piss on the weather front dont you . Another glorious day , i was up at first light to torch the second major bonfire of the year , ive noticed theres little wind early on , plus heaping conifer branches over the top means its over and done really quickly . Then i noticed i'd gained a small cheering fan at her bedroom window,next doors 3 year old , poor little soul is bored out of her brain. Her mother is to say this politely a tad loud , so we hear  her killing them all day long
One odd fact is the quiet from next door but one, normally he has every window open and his radio blaring till it distorts at the first hint of warmth , cant help wondering if someone has bought him some headphones or one of the other neighbours has tried to kill him.
No1 favourite on my quarantine list, decent drying weather just as Mr BH hits one of his infamous bowel problem patches , hes feeling very sorry for himself  and maxing his painkillers so all he does is sleep at the moment . I think the problems over his dads death arent helping , plus hes 50 next week and theres no party , in fact i havent had a single inspiring thought yet , everything he likes he has or isnt possible . Its hard work with someone as grumpy as he is . Very tempted to make him a pork pie and stick candles in it , but im not sure if he would take it well

Thursday 9 April 2020

Plague 16

Forced to actually go to civilisation and shop this morning after a major argument with Mr BH about him not caring in the slightest if i snuff it . Son doesnt drive and im struggling with shingles leg spasming ,  Mr BH wanted to go to Lincoln to get everything he feels is missing from his life , so if i pop off i want killed for a pork pie on my headstone .  In a spirit of compromise instead we went to Heron Frozen Foods in the next little town , ive filled the freezer with various Excel products that seem to be even cheaper than usual ,they didnt have any bacon, pork pies etc so hes still as mardy as his arse , but they did have some linda mcartney sausage rolls so thats me gloating . The online Morrisons order that took a month to get has dwindled from 70 items down to 32 so i await a carrier bag full on Saturday .
Im making progress on the conifer wars , its all a bit have a couple of hours sit and cry with leg pain all night , but im getting there i give it a fortnight to see any real progress , the compost i ordered weeks ago turned up, i think the poor delivery lad had had a bad day , mind you it was a 100l compressed bale hidden in a large cardboard box , delivered it was the same price as it would be if you could source any from a garden center around here .
Didnt spot any caravans this morning but theres a lot of bikers about,  a big queue at the butchers and the coop was down the road and a load of boats have turned up at the moorings down the road

Wednesday 8 April 2020

Plague 15

So we have found out that because he is a definite non covid fatality, there can be a quicky cremation for FIL only 3 people can attend . So now they are squabbling over that , not unexpected as the third brother is hard work at the best of times and loathes Mr BH with a vengeance. At least someone from his partners family has appeared and seems to be dealing with her , she cant survive without a full time carer , she had carers coming in a few times a week already but for obvious reasons there wont be any increase in care at the moment , FIL has been the only thing keeping her out of residential care for the last few years .  It also seems that FIL has a stream of lock up garages containing god knows what, numerous vehicles etc , that its up to us to pay for and sort out ? But current circumstances once again prevent anybody doing anything about it at the moment . Normally i would suggest because theres no chance of any of them agreeing about anything , that it all should go to auction and the proceeds be split . Not that any of them would listen
On the lockdown front , I ventured to the local Coop yesterday to find it stripped by locusts , theres barely a thing on the shelves , tons of barbecue charcoal and a pallet of Carling were just being delivered . milk is practically being given away at the moment so i grabbed a couple of big cartons and popped them in the freezer . Son managed to grasp a delivery slot for Morrisons despite been 11003 in the queue this was at 3am in the morning  , not that they had anything we needed in stock , but at least it gives a few more choices. Weve noticed that a lot of the second homers are quietly sneaking into their properties , lets hope they bring groceries with them or theyre in for a big shock 

Monday 6 April 2020

Plague 14

So grandad has passed and left Mr Bah Humbug an orphan , hes in a bit of a state he was the youngest and spent his whole life trying to get an ounce of approval from the strange man that was my father in law .  Famous for his refusal to leave the 70s behind , with his huge collection of gold dangling round his neck and on his fingers , his twinkle in his eye when it came to any woman , his mad max trike that he bought to celebrate his final retirement and his fishing addiction that he passed on to his sons .
Its still a bit of a mystery what has gone on , the hospital finally said that he had come in with a large head injury and developed pneumonia . His partner is still refusing to speak to the family , no surprises there , she refused to come here ever again when i told her she couldnt smoke in my house even if she was disabled?  that was over 10 years ago , grandad would still appear from time to time , but he was her carer . One brother did comment do you think shes done him in ? because they were notorious for scrapping and arguing . But i would think its more likely that hes done something really dumb because he would never admit he was in his 80s and didnt look a day over 50 .
So we can all just speculate , there are no funerals at the moment so we will probably never know .the fact , that hes left everybody wondering would have amused him no end im sure

Saturday 4 April 2020

Plague 13

So just to mix stuff up we get a phonecall from Mr Bah Humbugs brother to say his 80 something  year old dad has been taken to hospital , now we rarely see his dad hes about 10 miles away and since they replaced his knees hes never there , he fishes every day he possibly can he just turns up on the doorstep if he wants to borrow tools or he turns up at the fishing pits if he wants to talk to his  boys ,hes full time carer to his much younger partner , who for good reason takes painkillers like smarties . But getting much sense out of her can be hard work .   She had just rung to say he was being shoved in an ambulance , she didnt know why or where they were taking him ? 
Well it took 24 hours to find him , then to be told that hes on the stroke unit , there had been some confusion about his location because he doesnt use the name he was born with ,plus nobody actually knows what year he was born in , because he lies about it and his past . The only way i managed to track him is because i did mr bah humbugs family history and found his great grand parents , so obtained his original birth certificate years ago .
 When they eventually admitted they had him , it turns out we can be given no information about him , his partner must be the only point of contact . Great , families are wonderful so none of his 5 kids can find out didly squat about what is going on , hs partner never answers the phone and when she does she has no idea who anyone is . Obviously theres a no visiting rule at the moment . The fact that hes on the stroke unit doesnt mean he has had a stroke either ,because thats where all non quarantined elderley patients are being kept at the moment

Friday 3 April 2020

Plague 12

So ive spent a couple of days putting my affairs in order etc , had a bit of a temperature felt really achy and crap . Then low and behold i hatch a patch of shingles yet again, never been so pleased to see them , see Covid has bought some plus points to my life ..
Well now theyve hatched i feel fine apart from the usual my leg doesnt quite belong to me feeling , waiting for my glands to shrivel back up properly but i think i can manage a bit of pottering in the garden today . The thing is there are drama queen shingles , which are terrible and can kill you and ive had a few batches in the last 30 odd years ,  but i get the endemic variety 90% of the time , nuisance shingles as i like to call them , little patches of pain , as a general rule they come as a free gift with auto immune illnesses of any kind . I have had psoriasis for many years, so hey ho   . I have a damaged sciatic nerve as a souvenir which can be interesting at times , but i never go 6 months without a flare so cant have the vaccine.  The antivirals seem to have no effect so im not going to be bothering my doctors at this time , i will potter on . I have some cold sore cream if it was bad but this is a minor league batch .
Anyway onward from my personal plague , what Covid news do we have . Oh i got a letter from the DWP informing me of the 70p pay rise in carers allowance along with several pages of  bumph threatening me with legal action if i dont inform them immediately if my partner dies , so when they ring you to tell you that theyve euthanized your partner that must be your first phone call , getting a bit unsubtle on the hope all the disabled die front arent they? 
Then theres all the not so subtle digs that the vulnerable elderly should give up their lives for the greater good . Sending out DNR letters to folks explaining that its for the benefit of the paramedics to not try to resuscitate people , somehow i dont think the paramedics see it that way . Its more GPs informing their patients that this is what the government has requested them to do . 

Wednesday 1 April 2020

Plague 11

So im sat here contemplating the wretched shed roof trying to decide how to tackle this large problem , because he has his large radio mast directly next to it , along with countless piles of other crap its not easy to get to and i could really have done with the munchkin , but ho hum if it stays fine ..
My daughter says that im turning into granny , she cleans out her gutterings at 84 on a big ladder but in mumsies case its meanness not poverty forces her to do it herself.
Still got mumsie problems spent a happy couple of hours yesterday trying to find out why she isnt included in the vulnerable register , her GP receptionist enlightened me finally , that they are operating on a shoestring staffing level as most of the backroom staff are ill . The GP must supply vulnerable information to the government which because of staffing they are late doing , then the government issues a letter that is proof of  vulnerability and will trigger contact to mother from someone somewhere , her local council are delivering with the aid of the red cross , food parcels but until she gets the letter i cant move anything forward . So i informed mother that she will be getting a call and not to panic if a box of groceries does appear .
Best call was to the local vulnerable support group .  Had a chat with the lady who seems to have already met mummie dearest . Dont worry im well aware what shes like i would suggest you have her groceries popped on her doorstep after dark by a commando team .
The other thing thats got my goat is all the folks praising the mobile farm shop butcher and baker , how wonderful the stuff is , then i read the price lists ...really !!  there seems to be an awful lot of sharing and back slapping on facebook . Yes these businesses are doing wonderful things in hard times and everyones really grateful . But once again it doesnt cross peoples minds in our village that in a sea of RAF pension theres an awful lot of others who merely have a state pension . Or at the moment are layed off with bugger all and a family ,  who will be waiting for any help from the state for weeks . The post asking for foodbank donations got just 3 shares ...says it all really