Wednesday 25 April 2018

Im Back

Well it rained last night and im waiting to see if the flood water drains down enough to let me continue chopping down trees . Brambles im sick of them , the birds poo them out and they pop up everywhere so im on a bramble cull , this is not a small garden so its proving fun just a row of conifers to top out , joy , nobody wants to help with that one im afraid .
The new windows are amazing , you cant see the curtains blowing in the wind nor the daylight round the sides , so a huge improvement , we will just have to watch the mould problems dont get worse . Shame they didnt do the doors as i got up to the usual hallway full of snails due to last nights rain theres nothing like a slug between the toes to wake you up in the morning .

Royal baby? suitably bored , its a baby, its healthy and it will lead a life of privilege.
 Kate looking groomed and perfect on the steps outside the hospital  , which isnt hard with a personal  stylist , hairdresser and make up artist standing outside the room waiting for you to pod . No "for god sake get me home , im leaking and i need a frozen sweetcorn round my bruised bits " like most .
Home to the nanny , valets and the press officer .
I still think they should go with naming him Kevin it has a certain ring Prince Kevin or maybe Prince Donald ? Both are popular choices on twitter along with Jeremy for some reason .

Wednesday 18 April 2018


The blog is going into suspension due to the builders and gardening . I have lovely new windows but the mess is incredible , ive cleaned the bare minimum ,theres boxes everywhere, the place is a total shit tip . Therefore im off to get on with the garden broadbeans need sorting, trees to chop down a million other jobs ...I will return............................when it rains

Saturday 14 April 2018

This is the End

I keep hearing the Doors song in my head of late , current affairs being what they are at the moment .
So how do we think Mr Putin is going to react to our latest idiocy ? So out comes my crystal ball .
Alternate futures for 2018
Mrs May has announced that Brexit is being put on hold for the foreseeable future , well you cant be messing about when youve just started a war can you .
The Conservative party has announced that all unemployed Universal Credit claimants must report to their local munitions factory , after all were not a picky country and will sell munitions to any nut job with a fistful of cash , this will be hailed as a huge success as the jobless figures fall through the floor

.Mr Trump is rubbing his hands together in glee , as he presents Theresa May with the evidence that the current government sold  the chemicals used in Syria to them , so we need to bomb the place flat before the independent commissioners get there . "Dont we Theresa, after all we have a special relationship" said with a twinkle in his eye .

Cyprus the crispy island that Putin nuked is no longer a good place to holiday. Well hes not daft enough to pick anywhere big its got everybodys airbases on it and it might serve as a real big wake up call to the Israelies to keep their nebs out of Syria

Meanwhile the orange one has just found out that the nuclear codes he was given on his first day in the job are actually the toilet door codes for the US military offices , The military are meanwhile picking their targets with care .

Now for the UK i think theres a couple of scenarios , we either end up as a Russian province, theyres an awful lot of military trained Eastern Europeans here working in the fields, or we just face the fact we are going to end up as the crispy island and we cant predict which idiot will nuke us . But neither of them need us and the EU would rather like to see the back of us . Im rather hoping its not the second scenario as I live between 3 huge RAF bases so might as well paint a huge target on my roof .

So this is my cheerful Saturday post ?

Thursday 12 April 2018


So I got a little PPI cheque , its not huge but its the first money since the 30th December that is actually mine , after a lecture from the kids i was informed by the kids that i must spend some of it on me .
 All those PPI adverts and only one company would take the problematic Lloyds TSB account that was in joint names with my ex husband and dated back to the time of the dinosaurs , its been refused 3 times ive tried since PPI got famous to get the money . Yes theyve charged a big fee but they got a cheque out of the notoriously crafty TSB , they were polite and helpful every step of the way no hassle at all , just one nasty call from LLoyds TSB they argued that they shouldnt pay out because my ex had made a claim on the policy , but he had made a claim after we were legally separated and before the mortgage was settled up in the divorce, so it was nothing to do with me. They payed out my half of the insurance .    Ebico Group I love You . …

This has caused a bit of a atmosphere as Mr BH has put in his four pennyworth he  said i must pay my debts , its funny as these are debts caused by the DWP fiasco , but theyre now all mine and nothing to do with him , I had no debts before the DWP fiasco, this i think could mean that i may throttle him . He can be a miserable git at times but at the moment hes on his full on drive everyone away mode .
Well i bought a strimmer and a weed burner which to me seemed extravagant, but the kids said you must buy something for your self . Well theres nowhere in Lincoln sells fat bird clothing i would be seen dead in , its all sparkly fat bird on a cruise , or summer colours that attract bugs .
I looked on line all the stuff on line in fat bird is priced to the hilt or made for normal shaped fat birds , i have comedy boobs that are out of proportion to the rest of me . So my daughter said look at Wish , so i spent a couple of days rooting through the hideous fat bird half dressed clothing , I like stuff up to my neck long sleeved and a decent length , im not flapping my bingo wings for anyone .
 Finally found a plus sized shop that does multi seasonal clothing and  lots of draped stuff and she wasnt happy when i pointed out i could always use the fabric if it didnt fit , they also do the neutral colours I like , sort of Chinese granny . Which is fine by me , I do look much older than i am, like most of my family, its not a bad thing ,you dont change you just stay the same for 30 years till you pop your clogs and theres no rule that i cant wear DMs till the day i die , or have plaits and wear really bad taste jewellery and accessories . So ive spent a whole £20 on me and im awaiting the arrival sometime in the distant future when i will give an honest review of Zanzea plus size  ...first new clothing in 5 years but  it doesnt mean im not going to the Jumble this weekend .

Tuesday 10 April 2018

Open Wide

So im to be infested with the window fitters tomorrow , which seems like a miracle after the 10 years of arguing with the council over the double glazing we stole . We had been given a date but that doesnt mean a thing , they were supposed to be putting in a new boiler at xmas nobody came, but the window blokes are currently next door so at some stage this week we may get sorted . Though they seem to be having problems making the back ones fit next door , cant wait till they try to do our twisted kitchen window , fen moves and so has the house and the window frame is actually snapped and you can see daylight if you take all the tape and bath sealer off
So today is day of moving everything , so that tomorrow i can be ready shouldnt take to long but MR is nagging already , then he starts on the whole we could decorate routine ..... Errr no
I loathe decorating its my pet hate and when he says WE he means just me !! Sarcastic son will make himself scarce , Useful son cant be spared to help as Grandad isnt well . So it would be me doing everything in a state of frenzied resentment with MR  driving me mad with constant criticism , I intend to fling a bit of emulsion paint around and thats my lot .
Festering is my current mode im afraid , Mr is doing the whole,im in pain im grumpy, everyday at the moment , then hes keeping me awake most of the night . So sleep would be a nice luxury , plus the munchkin isnt back at school till next week  AARRGGHHH
Then its garden season and its all a swamp , i treated myself to a weed burner and a cordless strimmer to try and tackle the back garden so the veg can go in and just got another lecture on wasting money , I did point out that i hadnt bought a new item of clothing for 5 years and had holes in all my footwear , the cupboards are bursting and hes just got a new car and a spazzy chariot .
I didnt point out that im the one with debts after year of no money,not him. . He needs to realise that Carer doesnt equate to unpaid slave and its not sinking in very well at all !!

Thursday 5 April 2018

Modern Life

Lets talk about things that baffle me as an old biddy , looking at the modern world .
Im so glad that the fashion for comedy eye brows is starting to die off it was getting so hard to keep a straight  face when someone turned round and they didnt exactly have a matching pair or they had used a black marker pen , even better is drunk eyeliner .
The latest fad seems to be comedy lips typified in endless pouting selfies on twitter . Is it me or does this strike you as downright odd , i'm old enough to remember what happened to Leslie Ash with the trout pout that went wrong . So lets put it out there apparently your lips are made to look like your vulva???  Do they squat on a mirror or does the beautician take a ganders then stick a bit more on each side , my first thought is how do these poor girls sit down and the male i asked did say it reminds him of sucker fish on the side of a fish tank and it was bloody terrifying if you woke up in the morning and it was hiding under your duvet .
Ho hum the things people do in the name of fashion , who are we to mock , remember poodle perms?

Monday 2 April 2018

Rain Rain Go Away

Well I had hoped to do a huge gardening post for this weekend but as the gardens currently under water and we have a six inch deep moat formed across the front of the house getting closer and closer to the front door , I think we will give that one a

All ive done this weekend is stare at the rain , potter about  and do a little cross stitch .
 I thought i would roast the garden hazelenuts and make some fruit cakes , it went badly, what should have been a simple job went a tad wrong when Mr Bah Humbug needed my help with an urgent issue then the smoke alarms went off and you guessed it id a whole oven of flames and smoke, house still
Plan B was to make jam , ive a ton of fruit in the freezer that needs using up mainly raspberries , no sugar AARRGGHH  I had several bags but someone has used the lot , We dont use it for anything but jam making and the occasional cake , the culprit would appear to be Sarcastic son who informs me he takes five sugars in his coffee .  It has to be really cheap for me to stock pile it and its over a year since I bought five bags on my travels. I just wish people would tell me when theyve used the last of anything . You guessed it Easter Sunday and everywhere was shut , plus its a 10 mile round trip to any shop now and thats only the Coop.

So then I thought i'd do my spring list for jumble and car boot .
Steamer   I dropped it and it died
Small Food Processor ,  finding it hard to knead stuff and rub in pastry and the munchkin isnt always available to help .
Vacuum packer and bag sealer , always wanted to try one
Small garden fork and shovel for the munchkin , he loves gardening but hes just a little to small for the adult size
Outdoor Toys for the munchkin and his little group of henchmen , maybe Swing Ball the old style metal version, the feeble plastic Argos ones are not a lot of good . Peddle cars in a bigger size and a small set of goalposts.
I do suppose books will feature on the list along with pretty china somewhere .

So now my day starts Mr BH is shouting that he needs me , lifes so thrilling , I thought id let him lie in for an hour as hes been up and down all night and neither of us has had much sleep , but i recognise the sound of grumpy male on the move , it will be a long day .