Monday 30 March 2020

Plague 10

Now as many of you will be aware my mother is 84 and likes a drink , after all wine isnt alcohol and its purely medicinal ?  She was so chuffed when i told her the off licenses were staying open , she usually has a case delivered most weeks, but had built up a garage stockpile ready for Brexit so its not as if she needs any in a hurry . 
More worryingly she has now been isolating for a month and informs me she burns everything that comes through the door  with her weed burner on the porch floor , she had in fact charred a couple of premium bond cheques before having to dance on them with her slippers .The idea of her doing a bit of flamenco with her slippers on fire   meant I was once again in stitches and she got a huff on .  She is however getting short of groceries and is threatening to go on a shopping expedition , ive tried to get her a delivery of shopping and failed miserably , lots of posh farm shops around her but she wont entertain fresh fruit and veg  , she just wants the stuff she always gets and only from Aldi...aaaarrrgghhh . Still waiting  a response from Age UK in her town to see if anyone would do an Aldi shop for her .
I did see that they are sending out food boxes to the vulnerable from today but its not clear who they class as the most vulnerable, im awaiting confirmation back about it , the Government website being as clear as snot on that subject .  I did tell her this , her response its not coming in my house if it isnt from Aldi If its some foreigner delivers it im burning it in the porch ..aaarrrgghhh
She may yet make it into the national news with that one , its not a big porch . Sometimes i think someone should write a comedy script out of those of us who have lively, gung ho, elderley parents

Thursday 26 March 2020

Plague 9

My little trip out yesterday went rather well , except for the doctor trip . despite checking online that it was ready , one tablet of mine is unavailable , its an obscure one and they struggle to get it , could i come in everyday to see if its here ?  Errr No .  I have a couple of weeks worth and i wont die from not taking it . the new system doesnt allow you to see if they havent filled the whole prescription request AAARRRGGGHHH
The Coop has a 10 people in the shop ruling theres not queues down the road just four or five people outside , the problem is the aisles are so narrow you cant stand miles apart , have you noticed that theres a lot of people seem to be losing there marbles ?  there was a women in the coop scuttling into corners muttering that everyone was to close .  Got the bits i needed along with a great big bag of yellow stickered items to top the freezer up , you can only buy 2 items of anything so its a tad varied , we are still living in a bog roll desert .
Spotted the butchers was open so popped in , he was pleasantly busy, no big queue a lot of pensioners kept pulling up outside then waiting till the shop was empty and scuttling in .  He kept asking why people didnt shop there usually and we all said the same thing , bloody tourists . You cant normally park anywhere and they are just under your feet  did suggest opening an hour earlier in the summer months , hes a damned good butcher and hes not expensive .
In fact the whole lack of tourists make it pleasant to visit the tourist hell that is Woodhall Spa , not a caravan to be seen  , sheer bliss .

Wednesday 25 March 2020

Plague 8

Well lifes pretty normal here other half is still going on with the Captain Mannering attitude , though im now making sure he doesnt get to watch all the endless news programmes at tea time by moving his tea time and making him sit in the kitchen . It doesnt stop him trawling the internet , but like a magpie he tends to watch bright and shiny to him stuff , fishing videos , car stuff  etc . But if he asks me once more why theres no scotch eggs I will scream .
Need to venture out tomorrow to pick up other halfs perscriptions cant use the pick up service because it has a class A drug among it and only i can collect it as the nominated person . So i will factor in a trip to the Sainsburys & coop local to see if they have any stock while im out , not sure if the butchers and bakers are still open . Its amazing how many joggers are trotting past each day that and an awful lot of singular sport cyclists heading down into the fen road which probably looks good on google maps but is actually an imaginary road resembling a pockmarked cratered collapsing disaster , that no local uses unless they live down there .
Tom the postman has pointed out from a distance , that hes worried about some of the nutters on the fen as we call them . We do have a small pocket of survivalist nutters live around us in the more isolated properties . They have barricaded the drives to their properties , so hes just tying their post in a bag on the fence . There are also a couple put up signs no visitors armed , ho hum . I would imagine the Council Tax bailiffs will be finding a few bodies once this is over .

Tuesday 24 March 2020

Plague 7

Well lockdown doesnt seem to be making a lot of difference this morning , the road out of the village was much the same still lots of school buses with 3 kids on and everyone going to work . But a lot of folks in the village work in farming and food , plus theres an awful lot of RAF here and theyre business as usual , they have night flying so not a lot of sleep to be had .  Next door is already killing her kids because theyre stuck at home with her . On the kids front it does seem a tad daft to be busing kids all over the county to senior school when there could be school hubs at local primary level , theres about 10 kids at our little primary now .
Ive the van to pick up from MOT today , it passed with flying colours . The Angling Association is still trying to confirm if going fishing is allowed . If not i may have to sedate himself .
The problem im having is that stress and anxiety aggravate his ability to understand things , so im endlessly trying to explain over and over again because he forgets what ive told him , he woke me up at 5am to ask me what time we were going fishing .AARRRGGHH
That and the endless asking for stuff we dont have and trying to stop him eating everything in the house , ive a very well stocked pantry but im aware that if he eats everything he likes straight away , then he will make my life hell when he has little choice in what we eat .
Not sure how the grocery side of stuff will be organised out here in the countryside , most online deliveries for supermarkets are concentrating on towns and show no slots for our area on any dates , we have a Curtis butcher van  from time to time , veg is easy to come by and eggs are available so no big problems , daft time of year for a virus really the hunger gap before gardens kick in.

Monday 23 March 2020

Plague 6

So as we bimble into the national holiday known as social isolation , im busy ordering bits and bobs online .  trouble is its usually 4 in the morning when i remember stuff we will need, its all been rather random , shant need anything of a craft nature im not running out of thread this time . But this morning i woke up and thought of fly spray an essential country item , then got up and watched a gorgeous sunrise over the fields very misty this morning , but im trying to get a bit done for the garden each day even if its just a pot of seeds . ive quite a few packets of out of date stuff that were magazine gifts etc so i will sow tons and give them away if nothing else .  The compost i ordered is out of stock so i will venture down to the local garage as he has a little garden center , i need to go to get lawnmower fuel another essential as the council police will doubtless still be pottering round and drop off the van for its MOT .
It would seem that the media rumours state men die more than women , not a fair correlation , i think men are just much less active than women if they are disabled etc . a bit of a sweeping generalisation i know .  Then theres the anti inflammatory warning , hoping Mr BH doesnt spot that one as he takes massive doses , so that will be him convinced hes doomed yet again.   Blood grouping is said to be a factor along with genetics ...Maybe Betfred could set up a system to bet against the day of your demise ?

Saturday 21 March 2020

Plague 5

So ive been out foraging this morning yet again , a single breadloaf from the coop but i needed to be there to get cash , i was visiting the little portacabin on the fen ..aka Derek Meeds Tin Factory at Langrick Bridge there before 9 there was a queue but nothing dramatic .  Got Useful son most of his grocery needs , his job has gone and hes got a stinker of a head cold so not Corona , hes gutted hes stuck at home when theres tons of jobs in security being offered , we are aware he will be struggling money wise so hes now got a months groceries to keep him ticking over . The Tin Factory had mountains of stock they usually supply the pubs and restaurants , so do a lot of catering size packs . they also stand the markets at weekends , plenty of pasta , beans meatballs and ravioli , tinned soups , they even had the elusive bread yeast . I was only buying needs so just got a case of beans for stock and more noodles for sarcastic son . From next week they are starting local deliveries , they have always been a well kept secret its been there since i was a child . Some in the queue were muttering at a bloke loading his people carrier up , but he has 6 kids and Boston has been picked clean so i dont blame him, he left a copy of his list for delivery next week . the stress that those with big families are under is ridiculous all because those with a bit of money have gone out and shopped like locusts .
The chicken factory staff shop is another people arent aware of , i got a couple of packs of boned chicken thighs and 2 big bags of Chinese chicken thighs , it splits down and thats the freezer full again . Every day they have different products so last night must have been thigh night , its dirt cheap but its card only .  So thats the local grocery story for today , im going to wrap up warm and play in the garden in the bitter wind , wish me luck

Friday 20 March 2020

Plague 4

Todays edition of cant make the bugger up has arrived . The local shops are still empty but it does point out graphically that in a pensioner community nobody eats vegan, wraps or whole chickens . Budgens having been replaced by a Sainsburys local . Popped in on the way back from picking up a perscription . Got talking to a lovely frail old lady on a scooter trying to get a basket of shopping ,  she couldnt manage to forage on her own but needed groceries . We found her two bread loaves because nobody could think to look under the very bottom shelf at the back . And a very large carton of fresh milk which i explained it was fine to freeze or freeze half in a jug if that was easier .  Also explained that you dont need a big knife to chop up a chicken its fine to do it with big scissors . She did giggle that she has a years supply of loo roll but little actual food in . Her son lives with her but hes on the boats for the oil rigs and not due home til the weekend . Told her that if she needs bread the posh delicatessen in town first thing is the place for bread hes not churning out tourist tat just bog standard loaves and buns.  The countryside does seem to be stepping up to the mark much quicker than a lot of places . The local pub is cooking meals on wheels and takeaway. and the usual village suspects are popping out to get stuff for people . Im just casually foraging in my usual way but with a family list rather than a just for us list . Tin factory on Saturday morning and with a bit of luck the van will be back on the road Tuesday, its booked in for an MOT nothing is actually shut in the wilds apart from tourist things .
And now for a little sort of light relief ?  We are friends of a local very Evangelical Church through food bank and other things . There pastor has had to post a large notice on his church door and website to state that this is not the End Times !!!  Dont give away your food and bog roll to the ungodly just because you think youre about to be Raptured . Now ive always thought that the one problem with the Raptured lark is that those who would be going are probably not those who expect to be going . .....................

Wednesday 18 March 2020

Plague 3

Yesterday it sunk in to mister BH that the end is nigh . What will we do for cat food , 3 months tinned 6 months dried chuck . By the end of the day he was running out of things to think of that we dont have in .  He finally nailed me with batteries , it seems i havent stocked some battery he needs for his radios so we must venture out to get them  So off to so called civilisation to get some later this morning , not worried, he may be classed as high risk but he doesnt actually shop due to his walking . He wont stop at home but will just sit in the car , i will forage anything interesting on my little trip out . Theres a lot of coughing and sneezing out there but its the normal winter snot bug doing the rounds , there have only been a couple of cases in this part of the world . im sure the worst is yet to come but while i can get him out i will . I have plans for the seaside with a flask of tea and sandwiches for the weekend.
The troops have all logged in, Useful son has plenty of food but ran out of loo roll , I did point out just go to the newsagent over the road and they let him have 4 rolls ,ive even managed to make contact with Young Baldrick , who doesnt seem to be at a good place mentally , Mummy dearest is her usual vile self , pissed and grumpy sums her up , shes currently run out of hand sanitiser and has unearthed a couple of bottles of brandy from somewhere in her stash to use . Yesterday i even considered sending her the sausages she likes by overnight post just to stop her wandering the streets ..aaarrrggghhhhh
Mr has just informed me that i need to forage for his brother and family today,  they have half a pig in the freezer plenty of loo roll but no other food in the house and their village shop is empty....just great !! 

Monday 16 March 2020

Prophet of Doom

Well this is turning into a pretty pickle isnt it . So ive got my crystal ball out and im looking to the future . 
This time next year prophecies. The end of the high street is upon us , so many retail businesses have been teetering  on the edges that a great many will go down fast . Small independents stand some chance but the big boys no chance unless of course they are Tory Party donors . On a plus note a whole new generation of internet shoppers is going to be forced to get over their aversion to technology and shop online . With a lot of help from relatives and friends im off to fight that battle with my mother later , we will lose but once the booze runs out she may be a bit more amenable .

Locking up the elderly, the regulations will doubtless mean we never see them again , not due to the virus but because its decided it will make the government tons of money , Cummings doubtless has a cunning plan for this one . How long before theyre trying to convince us that for the benefit of everyone you should just report to the vet at 70 to be put down the day you retire . Expect lots of Channel 4 documentaries of what a resource drain the elderly are . How much better life is without them cluttering up the streets . Lots of children dying because the few NHS beds left are cluttered by wrinklies . Good old nudge theory , just the same technique theyve been using on benefits claimants and the disabled the last 10 years . Guilt Trip the elderly into doing away with themselves , because if we lock them up for months , depression will convince them its their Public Duty . Plus if you have no family network who can help whos going to notice the trip to the vets . 

Saturday 14 March 2020

Plague 2

So an early morning trip to the Coop for some sliced bread yielded the fact that theres no pasta , no potatoes and the freezers are looking very sparse . But theres tons of yellow label chilled goods that freeze well . The coop however has a delivery most days and it often runs out of stock of various items so no reason to panic yet .  I did think there was an awful lot of pensioners loitering about but they were all waiting for a huge bus trip to somewhere . Other half did comment he fancied a trip to York as it was shown looking deserted on the local news last night .
The fatalistic attitude from talking to a few people seems to be , best to get the bloody bug now while theres still a chance of medical treatment and your own hole in the ground to bury you in . One of the neighbour walking his dog did comment that bob the farmer has a digger and the cricket pitch is unused now, if push comes to shove . His other comment was a tad more worrying , he said he knows who to expect trouble from in the event and he has a gun for anyone coming to steal his beans.  Fuck the government seems to be another widely heard sentiment .
we are a tourist area and ive just seen a post from one of the local chalet sites saying they are opening there camp shop early and anyone can use it , they are fully stocked and have enough loo roll for the whole of the summer season . I suppose its just trying to make a bit of money as cancellations are through the roof  Easter is the biggest part of the season , this will crucify a lot of businesses locally . Tourism is pretty much the only local employment in the season as well ......we shall see

Thursday 12 March 2020

Plague 2020

So here we are in the world of panic , just spent a happy hour trying to explain to a foodbank organiser that she needs to stop whining and get her bun into gear . They havent had many donations this week and are starting to panic , if people have to self isolate a lot of people will have no income or next month under the wonderful universal Credit they will get diddly squat to top up their income , plus it takes 5 weeks for Universal credit to kick in and thats if anyones in the call center to answer the phone .  So being a pragmatic person i suggested they set up a local Paypal account then advertise it through the local press , facebook etc . It seems they have a national system through the Trussel Trust network but not all foodbanks are affiliated to them , plus people are often more willing to help locally . The foodbank has good connections with Tesco and that should help them get what they actually need .
What will happen locally is a big worry for many , we are a tourist area , there are tons of trinket shops and few real shops , the coop seems to have most everything at a price of course . pasta and bog roll seem to be the main shortages , im well stocked up with everything , though i ventured to Lidl Sleaford yesterday , just caught the uht milk delivery so topped that back up , but theyd had no milk since the weekend , id ventured in for a couple of jars of sweet and sour sauce and came out with £20 worth of weird shit as my other half calls it . On a strange note ive had to stop buying lidl white bread it goes mouldy even before the sell by date , not a clue on that one.
Popped into town abandoned MR BH with useful son in the plague pit of Wetherspoons and had a mooch round Sleaford its packed  with charity shops , nothing interesting in them . But Wise Owl a local bargain shop chain did yield some of my favourite soup the discontinued M&S sweet potato and parmesan , plus a carrier bag full of weird and wonderful pot noodles another popular dying and not feeling the urge to cook mainstay . Plus point to having hayfever this early you get to go to the front of the queue pretty quick when you have a sneezing fit

Sunday 8 March 2020

Out and About

Well no need to self isolate now , changing my tablets has gone so well that my immune system has decided to launch another batch of shingles , i had an inkling yesterday when i had a swollen leg and felt like i was getting flu .  All i can do is wait for the blisters to hatch then lather them with coldsore cream , it does seem so much better as a method that the antivirals that appear to do nothing other than give me blinding headaches and really blurred vision . I will mention it to the doctor  but she may gather as im usually very hobbly by that stage ..ho hum
Two jumble sales yesterday a cat one that yielded a cat cushion 3 articles of clothing and a window thermometer which i may put on later , the other sale was a church one , i think the vicar has got the bug as he hosted one for another church in his parish a few weeks ago , i like these sales they are only small but they sell the strangest things , ive come home with a tatty stool that has drawers under it with casters , looks very made in china but im sure i can tart it up and i already have all the stuff i should need . The next few weeks are peak jumble sale season so im hoping theyre not all cancelled
I did witness the toilet roll wars in Poundstretcher , they were nearly scrapping over the last few expensive rolls , i just wanted weedkiller and a few cheesy pasta cup meals theyre always something i fancy when im a bit under the weather, that and soup. im supposed to be cooking for the hoards but after i took the big pork joint out everybody cancelled so its going to be pork everything this week i think ..ho hum at least we can still keep informing the relatives we are still ok

Tuesday 3 March 2020

To Infinity

Well I just watched Boris giving his dont panic speech on the BBC about Coronavirus .  I dont think theres the remotest chance that this wont spread in fact it sounds rather like the virus that has been killing so many around here since before Xmas .  Other half is crapping himself  he knows he is what they class as high risk mainly because if he starts coughing his ribs giveaway , so to celebrate hes ordered loads of fishing bait because nobody ever got fish flu did they?  He has threatened to burn my Wish packages on arrival to see him try and he has been self isolating since October anyway .
We are extremely well stocked up on the pantry front , so last shop tomorrow and then hibernate for the rest of the year maybe?
Saw the GP the other day and asked if we are all doomed and she said only if you listen to the government and i think that pretty much sums it up

Sunday 1 March 2020


So i have achieved i hope and managed to transfer a photo from the ipad to the big girl puter !!!  Anyway i did a jumble and a table top sale locally yesterday , spent a whole £1 on stuff i didnt need but caught my eye , the little hobbycraft  sewing basket had the wool some needles and an unfinished something inside , which i will unravel . then the village tabletop sale yielded the amazing 1930s Practical Guide to Home Knitting, loads of patterns for underwear and socks and lots of photos to explain . Ive a whole pile of the Wartime ones of these already . Odhams produced loads of Hobby Books back then and out here in the villages everyone must have kept them , theyre distinguished by their grey drab covers among modern shiny books the dust jackets being long gone .
So yesterday i gritted my teeth and rang my mother after the xmas incident where she told me i would be doing the best thing for my children by killing myself . She doesnt change , i got berated for not ringing though she claims she never said any such thing , the story of my life im afraid , no matter how vile she is to me its my imagination , i just make up stories . Sadly for her at the time she was on speaker phone so my other half heard the whole conversation , hence not ringing her for 2 months because he wouldnt lend me his phone.
 Anyway she has self isolated because theres Coronavirus in the next town and is quite enjoying herself with all the wine she had stockpiled for Brexit , shes not answering the door to anyone just incase , I did point out that she needs to make herself a bit more visable even if by only chatting to the postman from inside the porch because i can see where this story is going . Doubtless her concerned neighbours will end up ringing the police as she hasnt been seen for days , she has those vertical blinds so that nobody can see in . Its good that the neighbours keep an eye on her, but she is known to the police for her antics on numerous occasions so they will doubtless send some very junior member of staff  just for the wind up value . This poor soul will doubtless incur the wrath of mother . I wish them luck