Thursday 29 August 2019

Politically Brain Dead

Well heres a pretty kettle of fish of the stinky rotting fisheads in a bucket variety .  Boris Johnson in his position of squatter in chief has got away with the creation of the Tory Reich it is now quite openly season of alternative truth in the political world, Cummings Cummins are filling the headlines. The era of the weasel spin doctor is once again upon us

Suggestions Cummings? BORIS

Tomorrow we will Prorogue Parliament !!!!

What we put Corbyn in a canoe on the Thames?  RAAB

No Dominic  , thats pirogue  not prorogue ...stupid boy.  BORIS

Well wont Queenie have to sign that off Cummings?  BORIS

Just ring her and mention Andrew and extradition , she'll ok anything

Now explain the purpose of Proroguing ~Parliament   BORIS

Headlines Boris , headlines!  Nobody is going to be looking at anything else , it will fill every bit of media , instead of everyone questioning all the little decisions we are making and the lack of a cunning plan . Headlines with added bonus points .

The bonus points are ? BORIS 

Old Queenies advisors will tell her to bugger off to Norfolk due to public outrage and demands for the abolition of the monarchy,  just think of the money, we then seize Buckingham Palace , think of the land value Boris , prime real estate , central London , theres all those millions set aside for its refurb which can go missing .  We could turn it into flats for the homeless , think of the headlines , im sure we have a donor that has a building firm  , then they can fold due to the recession and we blame Corbyns lot for it .

Thens there is the rioting .

What rioting Cummings ? Boris

Everybody who kids themselves that their vote counts for anything will be marching for London unless they have a barbecue planned that is.

They keep doing that , theres no riots , theyre just a traffic hazard , we just use the tunnels to get around .  BORIS

But we can stage riots, you can hire professional rioters these days and couple of Sky News teams to beam it round the world .   Riots , Marshal Law !!!  Think Boris , there will be no stopping us , we have risen!!!!

Now this is a work of fiction unless im really a prophet of doom .....we shall see 

Monday 26 August 2019


So its season of mists, spiders and heat . 6am and im plodding up and down the path outside trying to stop my back spasming, the world is gorgeous in that brief span of time . The flying currants are back big time so im gargling fly spray .  My daughter came and stole her cat , so now my morning walk companion is missing as the other two are sulking over her going , Big Doris has left the building . She will be sadly missed.
Meanwhile in my role as cat lady , we have one on loan , a little half grown ginger and white girl . The neighbours having bogged off on the lash all weekend leaving her a bowl of food in the porch that being a greedy wee thing she will have eaten ten minutes after they left  , shes now been here for three days , currently sat purring at my feet very grateful for her breakfast , shes not staying,the neighbours kids love her to death , but with it being doors and windows open weather she can potter in and out with my other part time lodgers .
The house move is proving to be chaos , im sure my daughter and the munchkin have been living in a tardis it seems to be endless van loads plus theres tons of furniture she doesnt want and when its empty it all needs decorating . Then theres the challenge of getting sarcastic son to move into the house properly , hes on the mild end of the autistic spectrum and has had a lot of mental health problems in the last year, hes loves his bolt hole in the brick shed , mainly because he doesnt cope well with noise , but in another week or so they will be gone and the noise will be pretty much gone. Not sure how i will cope with the silence but im sure he will love it .
Garden chores will begin in earnest in the next few days once the weather breaks a bit , far to hot to be tackling much outside , i managed an afternoon crocheting in the garden parked in the shade listening to the crickets yesterday, i have a cunning plan for the conifers , so if you never hear from me again you know it went 

Tuesday 20 August 2019


So in between watching the Great Move and hobbling about from our road trip , heres my update to the latest news happenings .
The Duke of York ...what a prat , im surprised hes not going round pointing out his dodgy American girlfriend was 17 so totally legal here . Meanwhile The queen has obviously bunged old Anything for a Shekel Fergie a few quid to play happy families with him .
 The Whole Epstein shenanigans beggars belief , suicide my arse , he had a price on his head the day he got arrested . He obviously liked them young, far to young to be legal anywhere but the arab states, then he passed off his cast offs to those dumb enough to accept them, like dolls hed finished playing with
This carry on is one i know far to much about , I had an appaling childhood  the sort people write books about.  There is no justice , no closure , no happy ever after for these girls . To survive you have to bury it deep and build another you.    Subject closed

Friday 16 August 2019

Road Trip

So this week has been spent trying to psych myself up for a roadtrip to Glasgow tomorrow , daughter has won tickets  to the Runrig Tour movie premier , we have to do this and be home , childcare, other half care etc is thin on the ground, plus time as she gets the keys to her first house today and has only a weeks holiday to do the move etc etc , things are a tad hectic around here at the moment . Then we should be back first thing Sunday morning to tackle everything , that no rest for the wicked saying comes to mind . So if im not about a lot dont be surprised ..i may well be sleeping this little adventure off for days

Monday 12 August 2019

Cat Lady

I have a problem, cats like me , in fact i just attract them . We are about to lose Big Doris shes moving with my daughter and the munchkin shortly and i think every other cat in the neighbourhood  is auditioning for the vacancy . I went out for my morning toddle yesterday set off with none and by the time i was round the corner my 3 had appeared and were following me , then Fat Foster the neighbours cat lumbered up , by the time id got to the barns i had 5 not even sure whos the black fluffy one is .  Coming back just to make life stranger a white cat fell at my feet out of a tree not sure who was more startled me or it .
Pottering doing garden jobs yesterday looked up and id a circle of 8 of the buggers , best of all next doors half grown  kitten has just ventured out for the first time and decided it was going in the house for its dinner , totally unphased by my hissing spitting girls .
Weirdest of all I went out to the bin last night and stood on a hedgehog ..WTF ...
Looked out the front window this morning and theres 3 more strange cats stood watching me .....weird just weird

Thursday 8 August 2019


I think im turning into the annoying old biddy at the tills of late , you know the one who holds a huge queue up over some triviality . So i went into one of the bargain shops in Lincoln pottered around picked up some weird food items and they had a shelf full of camping stove gas unmarked but theyre usually when they have them around the £1 mark , i got to the till she totted it up and it came to over £20 . So i chimed up WHAT.  it turned out the camping gas was £3.47 each , so i said they can go back i dont want them . Well she got a bit of a huff on and summoned the manager . He turns up , looks and says that cant be right , scans one £3.47 . errrrrr so then he goes and gets a spreadsheet from the office has a look and it says four pack for £3.47 . Hooray that was the mystery solved . but he said weve had them in for weeks and your the only person noticed .  It does annoy me when things dont have the price on the shelf , the worst offender is the PoundShop  you get to the till and it comes to some ridiculous amount , its even worse when its busy and its all self service tills , you can grind the whole place to a halt just by questioning something . So be aware if your in Lincoln  and theres a moaning old biddy holding things up at the till its probably me 

Saturday 3 August 2019

Lord of the Flies

Flies !!!  UURRRGGGHH  we are plagued with flies this year , we always get loads this time of year joys of living in the countryside im afraid , but this year theyre a real tough bunch , not helped by other halfs wanting every door and window open , normal fly spray doesnt do a lot for these tough critters , so i ordered a case of the good stuff off Amazon its lasted 2 weeks , now other half has announced we arent to spray it if hes in the house he doesnt like it , but hes in the house pretty much all the time , i have pointed out there is a chair just outside the front door and he can stagger there if he cant stand it . We have an electric fly light but theyre just ignoring it . Its all a bit third world as they head for your eyes .
He went fishing yesterday with his brother and it was plague of dragonflys day when i took lunch down to them . never seen so many different sizes and colours . managed to get a huge one hit me in the forehead thought someone had thrown a stone at me
So the third plague in the area is the tourists , my annual gripe , its really busy this year which is a good thing for the local economy , but not such a good thing for the local residents , we just smile nicely , nod and shake our heads as they leave , we fen trolls are like that .
Yesterday we had a whole bunch of late teen Americans in town , you can spot them quite easily all tall , wearing pricey labels towering over us , with amazing braces and a baffled expression, polite kids though under your feet when your a harassed local, double parked to do the bread and milk run .
The middle class prick leading them was a stunner , hes stood outside the Coop with his herd telling them that this is the local shop a bit like a sweet shop to get soda and a sandwich from , no prick this overpriced wine emporium is our only shop for miles , we are all so damned poor that we only shop there if we have to and we have to . Our other shop in the village has virtually empty shelves except on delivery day. most of our employment is seasonal and minimum wage , all the residents are aging and the young have to leave to get on with their lives . I managed to avoid opening my mouth and just stood on his toes in passing for fun and jollies .  Nice kids though, very polite and very baffled

Thursday 1 August 2019

Politically Challenged

Well I read my tea leaves  and im just more baffled than ever , So now Boris is in charge , not to sure what hes in charge of  apart from holding together that bunch of inept weirdos he calls a cabinet .
So lets take a peek , Good old Saj, in favour of immigration policies that would see his own dad deported . then theres the Minister for Israel  Priti Patel , capital punishment anyone?  Now obviously Boris is after the right wing asian vote that nobody in the Tory Party has thought of going after before, just on the grounds of the racism of most of their supporters , but those who came here in the 60s and 70s have often risen with lots of hard graft up the wealth ladder and giving it to the Tory Party Coffers would be a good idea wouldnt it . To much generalisation on that front Boris , the asian community has more factions than your own party , sadly you didnt have any big beardy blokes in the Tory Party to shove on the front bench , traditionally the muslim vote belongs to the Labour Party
 But  theres the added jolly jape of watching Trumps head explode when he has to deal with them .
Dominic Raab , do you remember the kid whos parents were on the PTA , went to the Golf Club , wernt in the Masons honest etc etc . The kid who got the lead rolls in the school play but couldnt remember the lines?  exactly .
Chris Grayling ...Oh dear , but then Boris can blame him for anything and he will just nod , a very Yes Minister appointment .
Its rather like watching the criminal takeover of a different Mafia family,  we are now been ruled by the Monster Raving Greed faction of the Tory Party who have been waiting in the wings for a while just for such  an event .
Where is this all going ? who knows , my crystal ball is very foggy at the moment ...Prep On kids , Prep on