Season of Mists

 So its the season of mists and total apathy ,  my daughter has charged me with crocheting dozens of xmas somethings for a craft fair because shes not well and promised them to someone , can you imagine anything more depressing for someone who loathes xmas?  im bad enough this time of year without dozens of little xmas trees haunting my life ...lol  Anyway im removed from the tyranny of the garden by the weather but still it haunts me , im constantly tending the dehydrator , himself having discovered Pear Chips his new favourite food , i have yet to figure out the exploding raspberries problem but ive tons coming ready so they may end up in the freezer instead of the dehydrator , despite being on 24 hrs a day the dehydrator uses little electricity , next project will be lemon cucumber chips we have a glut of those coming the next week . Then theres the weird way we have a huge crop of Pink Fir Apple potatoes  they were a couple of strays that were hiding under the pumpkin leaves and have produced the best crop ive ever had , Nature is a funny old thing . Strange request time , does anyone have a couple of fresh walnuts for me to plant , i can pay postage if you have Paypal . 

I seem to be reaching saturation on the winter groceries front , im more well stocked than ever this year and im running out of places to hide stuff from him...lol . The freezer looks healthy and i will collar a turkey something as soon as they are released into the wild its just an extra few big things like more pet food , Maggi catering mash and dried milk , there will be more fresh stuff this year , sprouting seeds is proving popular and i will have a multitude of different squash and cabbages along with leeks . i wish sweet potatoes grew better here but your reliant on the weather for them , but they keep well so im picking small ones up cheaply at the moment .

So thats my exciting life at the moment ...what are you all up to?

Prep ??

So im doing my usual prep for winter routine , stock up on a few things, look round at water butts in the sales, inspect the sheds for repairs and buy weird shit from the auctions..lol                                                    On the weird stuff from the auctions , once again crappy photos and my view of sizes went a little awry , i have looked for a fish kettle all summer to plant winter salad into , i figured it would slot up the side of his scooter in the porch . I have had numerous plastic windowsill boxes they all go brittle by spring and snap and fall apart  so it seemed quite logical to me and i payed next to nothing for the auction lot . Its huge , its french, its aluminium it weighs  nothing , it still has the vintage stickers on it and i think you could cook a small whale in it , weirdly it came with a brand new pickaxe , which my agrophobic son claimed and dragged off to his lair, should i be worried ? it also had two big caravan water containers which have been sterilized and dried in the sun , prepper mind says they may come in useful  in the event and they can reside in a shed wrapped in plastic , nothing does my head in more than the filth that comes from nowhere in a shed when you want to use something .                                                                                  Then i went to the carboot sale and something winked at me , i wandered all round the place but when i went to the car it was still winking to me , asked the old bloke selling it and he said hed ruined the top trying to clean it , so im now the proud owner of a long arts and craft stool its big and chunky and i havent decided whether to recover it or live with it in ruin we shall see, i seem to have amassed loads of projects for the winter plus my daughter has roped me into crochet a load of xmas stuff for a craft fair , its all go. which with my nine millionth batch of shingles is just great , just got to pop out and struggle to plant out 20 spring cabbages and Japanese onions...aaarrrrgggghhhhh 

Refugees

 So as a woman of the working class and of a certain age , you may be expecting a whole rant about immigration . Guess what it isnt, its about the chucking up of houses on every spare inch of the village one of the ancient touch your forelock farmers having turned over the business to his offspring . They are selling off every inch they possibly can to be used for building overpriced houses , last year we had them building a huge eco house mansion about 200 yards away , it took forever because she changed her mind every 4 minutes about everything , best laugh she planted a huge line of £100 trees all across the front  probably to block out the view of us poor folk and every one is now a large dead twig due to planting them at the wrong time of year , then there was the row with the cable layers when they started digging her block paving up at the end of her drive , pure street theatre provided me with entertainment for days , council officials, management from the cable companies blokes with tape measures you name it they were there only for her to be told you cant annex a strip of verge because it made your drive entrance look untidy . The sense of entitlement is epic . but now we are getting 4 more of these eco monstrosities directly in the field over the road and i have had to rehome the refugees at hedgehog feeding time i have between 6 and 18 of the hungry nosed buggers . A tawny owl, a grunty squirrel and snakes . You see they have ripped all the trees and ancient hedgerows out , the wildlife is all homeless and hiding here . Guess thats how you designate an eco home ? 

While cutting the front hedge the other day i was accosted by a rather posh lady driving a Tesla Betamax, she wanted to know what the village was like , she really did pick the wrong day , so i told her ... just behind the pretty trees there is a huge chicken farm that stinks , theres a pig farm just over the fields and the worst smell is its shit spreading season , just to cheer me up the RAF obliged with a full on performance of we are late for our lunch with a couple of  jets screaming overhead because they are on day and night war games at the moment . Oh and theyre building the largest anerobic digester in Europe up the road , she cant say she wasnt warned...lol

Pain

 In the arse that is , my dearly beloved grandson who was going  home last night decided as one final treat that he wanted to go to Stickney car boot sale yesterday . I was rolling on the floor pleading nooooooo , so of course himself took no notice and said oh yes what a great idea . So off we went  . The overnight rain had kept the dust down if nothing else , there was still 15 rows of stuff to wander through , i think in my case it should say trudge through, they wanted to inspect every crusty tool and vehicle part so i lost them and looked at the odd bits i found interesting , i managed to buy a large kilner type clip jar for storage and a bunch of Sindy knitting patterns , I did ask the price of a lot of stuff but it was all out of my price range , A Simplicity Bias machine new in the box £50 it was a very fair price because they are £120 new in the shop but i dont have £50 for a need or a want...lol . There was also a house clearance bloke with 2 boxes of Sindy furniture and stables etc . i was after the clothes i can spot them at a thousand paces , but once again he wanted £50 ,  i dont think he realised the clothes alone were worth far more than £50, the world of Sindy became quite ridiculous during Covid and it shows no sign of calming down . Barbie who you couldnt give away is now doing the same.

The veg man however was his usual joy , huge tubs of grapes £1  ive had to pop loads in the freezer this morning but once again ideal for the winter , pineapples 3 for £1.50 guess im going to be practising my canning again , we got 3 melons so that grandson could take one home , his mother doesnt do fruit much . managed to stop himself buying tons of beetroot huge bunches for £1 but the prices of good keeping potatoes has soared theyve gone from 8 to £15 for a sack of Marfonas locally grown ,scary when winter is coming and theyre usually cheap now . I keep getting the £1 bags of scrubbed jacket potatoes they have 10 or 12 in them , i part cook them in the microwave then finish them when i have oven space, then into the freezer they go . 

So im off to hobble down the garden to pick beans , zonked off my head on painkillers after being up with cramp absolutely everywhere all night , guess you can can veg stoned , functioning zombie today sums it up , i will go chat to my pumpkins and squash the neighbours know im batty so they wont notice ...lol 

Chores

 So its food preservation time , its all very experimental at the moment , I know i dont need tons of anything so im doing 4 jars of each garden fruit and veg as it comes ready , its just so easy , though himself is eyeing up yesterdays canned plums already , hes not getting his hands on them till after xmas in the dark times when we can get bugger all fresh fruit and veg here . All im using is endless jars that once held Lidl gerkins that himself is addicted to ,  the plums are huge this year and the stones just fall out when you split them , it really isnt hard work , just chop them chuck them in a jar with a couple of dessert spoons of sugar top up with warm water , its much the same as jam making everything needs to be clean and the same temperature , im using the huge jam pan i picked up at the jumble the other week, it says 20 to 25 minutes so i give them 30 minutes boiling just to be on the safe side . For the weekend im planning an apple sauce fest , that wont be just 4 jars ...lol 

I went to my favourite obscure jumble sale on Saturday , just bought a cook book but i did get a couple of bits in the auction , another metal photographers case for himself to store power tools in. But i did by myself another chore , they sold it as an old tool box but it really isnt, its a Victorian service box , i remember my gran still had hers it was a wooden suitcase that you kept your personal bits and bobs in if your family wernt rich enough to afford luggage  , you usually had that and a carpet bag , its had a hard life the handles and metalwork have been changed several times but its already having a makeover , its been treated for woodworm , i think they were long dead but you cant be to careful , now its awaiting wood filler and rooting out the correct handles and waxing it all , It might become dolls clothes storage i accidently bought a small mountain in an auction last month it was an extra box that somebody didnt want when i picked up a dolls house cheaply , Free is always good 

On the dehydrator front , citrus fruit are a pain i got a huge bagful for a pound at Grimsby market , because i will use them for the apple sauce , i have found out it takes forever to dry slices,,,lol...live and learn 

Sad

 The demise of Wilkos is the first shop going under that has actually encroached on my world i get all my garden stuff from them as its cheap and good , the shops for the most part always seem to be busy but now we dont go out much i shop online , maybe thats the problem the generation that uses it is aging out of the retail world . I suppose thats whats happening everywhere , its not that people just want to shop online its that its been decided somewhere up the food chain that its what we will all do . Maybe thats why theres so much tagged clothing at the jumble sales?  nobody can access a changing room anymore , so you order more than one size or a different colour , ordering a different size or two the same size doesnt mean it will fit , theres no quality in clothing these days whatever the label . So as the tumbleweeds wander down the UK high streets , painting pretty pictures on the boarded up shops isnt helping matters and i have no solutions to give . 

 Himself hasnt been into a shop for years , hes no concept of the price rises and hes driving me steadly mad with his wants , hes dragging me off to Grimsby on Friday to visit the butchers he doesnt understand that it will be no cheaper and it will be out of our price range still i will go through the motions . Its not a case of being unable to afford food its just that our choices are pretty limited , the garden is helping big time, but its the daft stuff , you cant buy a cheap loaf within 15 miles , its £2 plus for a white Hovis , £5 for a little bottle of olive oil , toilet roll is creeping up week by week and dont even get me on the subject of Lincolnshire Coop for a shareholder owned social enterprise they are taking the piss and you have to remember for a lot of people they are the only shop they have access to . Have you noticed the government has stopped mentioning that they allow £12 a week for food and self care if you are in receipt of benefits, i wonder why ?  

Life and Stuff Like That

 Hello Folksies , whats happening in my non exciting world ?  Lots of gardening with my teen helper who is deeply impressed with my mini chainsaw , he had to climb behind the scrap car dumped in the garden by useful son the day before the lockdown !!  its still here folks but the sycamore was growing into it , so rather than give him another excuse not to move it , i tried to kill a teenager . 

My squash plants that i popped into the garden as i took the new potatoes up have gone mental and taken over the garden , tons of male flowers but all theyve yielded so far is a mini marrow and a single pattypan but ive a feeling they plan to go mental late in the season plus ive spotted a couple of pumpkins and a turks turban that are doubling in size every day . Green beans have yielded a couple of meals but i can see by the number of flowers that i will have a glut soon , not many tomatoes set on this year apart from a couple of mini heirloom ones that are tiny plants but with huge tomatoes and ive lost the label off them so will have to remember to save seed .

In the worls of elder care theyve down dosed mothers anti psychotics and shes awake again and receiving visitors , she has no idea who they are, but she will claim any visitor as a family member of some description . On her care front yet again we had heard nothing for 6 weeks since the kerfuffle over her attacking the manager of the new home that they wanted to move her to because it was the best value for money , Nobody is answering their phones or emails but yesterday my daughter finally got an email from her social worker saying they are leaving her where she is and having nothing more to do with the matter ????? in other words dont call us , we arent calling you . 

Finally got to the car boot this week first time since the monsoon season began , spent a grand token of £3 , two massive glass clip lid storage jars , i had seals to fit them allready, they came with tons of free dust but theyve cleaned up nicely i was given some seed pod trays that now have spring cabbage planted in them , donated by another lady who i bought a small basket from was  a tiny Victorian dolls head the size of my thumb i also purchased a bag of stamps and a book , So a good selection for the money i spent . Im going to try and take some photos later , maybe , if i have time , wish me luck 

Summers End

 Have the seasons moved again this year , its turned into Autumn very early this year , the nights are cool enough to need a blanket and you get up in the morning to heavy dew fall just waiting for the first frosts ? At least we are getting a break from monsoon season for a few days , so its out in the garden time . Just ordered a few extra seeds , japanese overwintering onions seem like a good idea , i noticed this year that onions were scarce early in the year. Then a selection of spring cabbage which should pop into the gap between kale and ordinary cabbage.

Other half is developing that worried look as i measure up part of his scrap yard to put in raised beds , he promised me that hes getting rid of stuff but it doesnt seem to be happening ...lol ..i was looking at the posh metal beds but theyre way out of my price range so i guess it will be pallet collars , saying that they last about 10 years untreated which should see my gardening days out . I wouldnt plant directly into this part of the garden its doubtless fermented in petrol and diesel and all the other bodily fluids leaking from his vehicles , ive already started fermenting several large builders bags of home compost and i will chainsaw loads of small branches to pop in the bottoms and keep my eye open for garden stuff in the sales 

First dehydrator experiment was a success two big bags of watercress are now a little jar full   , observation's , you need to split the thicker stems down unless youre drying just leaves . Also the instructions from Lakeland are pretty sparse and not very helpful , but its a good beginner tool and just two of us will be using it so its about the right size. I cant imagine it would be a lot of good for powdered eggs or anything very liquid but straight forward garden produce seems simple , experiments continue 

Shop

 Well it was big shop day today , mainly because i have the munchkin for a few weeks maybe ,,,who knows . The usual trip to the discount grocers for other halfs endless crisps and goodies aided by giving the munchkin £5 to last his whole stay  the only thing i bought was a case of Heinz vegetable soup , handy for me when i cant face cooking and its the smaller tins as well.  Lidl was as usual a bit hit amd miss . i noticed that they have shrunk the fresh fruit and veg aisles to nearly half the size but theyre still only half full , i got most of what i wanted , no cooking bacon yet again , but i picked up another 3rd off gammon joint for the freezer, frozen food was ransacked , i noticed that the munchkin has got an eagle eye for reduced stickers , shopping with granny does him good...lol  Ended up at Asda for the stuff i hadnt found anywhere else , virtually nothing on the yellow sticker front but i did get a couple of big bags of watercress so i may finally get to play with the dehydrator if i dont eat it like a bag of crisps first ..lol noticed ive got a few windfall apples so they may well be dehydrated as well and this may prove useful for the mountains of crab apples i waste each year , we shall see if im that motivated .

Food gripes of the week . JustRol  pastry was on offer the other day went to make a plate pie for tea the other night and all there is in the box is masses of paper and a tiny sheet of pastry not big enough to cover the pie plate i bodged it into a sort of lattice top but this is shrinkage at a ridiculous level , off the shopping list it goes .  Then i spotted a Seabrooke Crisps multipack Worcester Sauce flavour a rare endangered species in the depths of Lincolnshire , i was looking forward to them then i pulled the top pack out and it was soggy and it had to go to the birds , so i picked out another and it was open it decorated the kitchen rather well and made the cat spit when she tried to snaffle one , you guessed it every damned packet was unsealed , ive emailed them but heard nothing .

I watch a great many weird and wonderful things on wet days on You Tube , i watch a lot of cooking and prepping stuff cant say i agree with many of them politically but thats what the off buttons for . Ive noticed that theyre all going mad panic buying rice? so i bought 2 tiny packs today same as i do most weeks . Theres a whole array of smug folks prepping food mountains and buying lots of ammo . Here in the UK its more growing an allotment or garden and buying an extra box of teabags 

Checking Out

 im seeing lots of people on about folks checking out , nothing creepy just people refusing to accept that life is crap , blindly doing stuff that fits the norm despite nothing being particularly normal since Covid . If you live rurally our big problem is lack of access to cash . The cash machines are empty most of the time , we are a tourist area and this month and next are the worst, the population explodes with holidaymakers , access to local shops is virtually impossible and the little coops and sainsbury locals cant fill the shelves fast enough so the shops are frequently pretty sparse , so you have to online shop and a lot of shops dont deliver rurally or they dont deliver half your order . Plus having everything delivered carries a premium like it or not . 

Since Covid everything is being turned into holiday cottages , new builds are all huge, filled with a couple of  retirees from London wondering why the locals are a wee bit peeved at their wonderful eco homes, their Tesla Betamax and their urge to moan about the smell of shit and the constant plane noise. It never ceases to amaze me that people move here who think that a couple of major air bases either side of you arent noisy, usually during the week , day and night . We get the Battle of Britain Flight trundling about and the red arrows practicing  as well , we think nothing of it , you just go to bed with earplugs , theirs a website tells you when theyre night flying , except when its something urgent . Ive long faced the fact im a misfit , i can go days without glancing at my phone , without feeling the urge to shop , i can erase 400 emails without even glancing at them then go out and hoe the garden which is my plan very shortly.  

This business with my mother and elder care has opened my eyes to the horrors of being made to socialise and conform , my mother was miserable drunk and antisocial long before she went totally batty , her social workers insistence that she needs to be forced to comply with their ideals of little old ladies gratefully sitting in a circle enjoying visiting war time sing along folks baffles me , individualism isnt allowed in elder care even very expensive elder care, 

Dont live long enough to need care should be everyones motto   

Wander In

 ive not abandoned blogging just feeling im boring people to death at the moment, life is very boring and pedestrian at the moment with just a couple of highlights ,  we went to Wheating Steam Rally , havent been since before Covid , i did a big picnic and we took useful son because i cant unload his buggy even if he kicks up a stink and steam engines are his thing . We got rain showers and blinding sunshine but as usual little thought is given to me i was on my feet for 8 hours and spent 3 days barely able to move ..lol

Then i had a big birthday and they proved they know me well , no spa days , no flowers no balloons. Himself insisted we went out for dinner then was baffled that all i wanted was a giant battered fish from the chippy , i knew it would make me ill but it was worth it . Daughter kidnapped me the following day and made me go charity shopping and to the garden center . I managed to get a couple of 50p books from Tesco and  a selection of dead plants from the garden center . Then as a surprise i got to meet up with a friend i havent seen in the flesh for 8 years , we went for a bar meal and because it was tea time it was virtually empty .  

My big presents consisted as a mini chain saw and a dehydrator and tons of chocolate . So no fuss , i was so glad , i had planned to run away if they did the normal birthday stuff , im just not into crowds or fuss . Now they are gutted that im not out there with a chainsaw and dehydrating myself into a coma , but the monsoon season has arrived so not a lot i can do about that  

Time

Where does it go , i seem to be getting up at the crack of dawn and dropping into bed at 10 and ive gone in 30 seconds , at least the tyranny of watering everything is taking a rest for a few days due to the thunderstorms . I need to find a cheap replacement for himselfs garden gazebo that he likes to sit under, a dust devil off the fields  mangled it and took a couple of branches off the big sycamore at the front the other day ...bleedin weird weather 

The gardens finally sprung to life weve had 2 strawberries but the plants are throwing dozens of runners , the birds ate the few raspberries im hoping the autumn ones fill the gap, but ive still some in the freezer from the glut last year . The third lot of broadbeans have yielded a couple of pods , most of the bush beans never germinated . The fruit trees have just a few visable but they glutted last year so not surprised . On a plus note the corn cauliflowers cabbage and squash are doing well so plenty of veg for the winter . 

Ive also got a big patch of his scrapyard  to add to the garden , he promises me it will be cleared by the end of the holidays  ho ho ho , we shall see . Im not holding my breath . 

Out in the real world , groceries are still unpredictable , im working from the winter wish list and strangely the hardest thing to find was nutmeg  , no idea why it had vanished locally so had to order on line . The new season sweet potatoes are starting to appear . very small and oddly shaped but still around the £1 mark , the huge ones are to hard for me to cut and he gets a moan on when im power sawing veg up

So thats my boring life at the moment eat sleep and garden , what are you all up to? 

Mumsie Chapter ???

 Where to start ...Well we have had two zoom meetings over the last few months , the last to assess whether mother needed nursing care or just dementia care , the NHS decided she only needs dementia care , so we receive no further funding at her current elder prison . Because of this we the family are responsible for the cost of her care , which would be fine if we wernt stuck in the at least a year or more likely 2 year  queue  for the court of protection to get control of her finances ...AAARRRGGGHHH we do not have the funds to hand to pay her current very good home , so the local council have informed us they are moving her to the cheapest council approved elder care prison they can find , which will probably kill her this week , they did give us a shortlist of 4 homes 2 are bleedin miles away from her visitors, mainly other elderly relatives so that it takes it down to 2 one is a big Victorian house the other is a smaller modern facility , so we sent our cousin on a look round, as other family matters are eating our lives. He says the Victorian mansion doesnt have individual bathrooms and he saw a patch of damp on a wall but looking at its reviews it gets loads of 5 star ones on different online sites and i quite think Mommy dearest would like being the lady of the manor . The modern development has some pretty shocking reviews  amid the good ones and she would get an individual toilet  , so its all very ho hum .  Anyway because shes having another psychotic phase they have had to double her medication so shes sleeping pretty much all the time at the moment, so this may be the only time they can move her easily, so we await the next move from the Council at this time. All this because she didnt want to sign Power of Attorney !!!!

Well im having problems with Blogger , all very glitch in the matrix . It wont let me write posts on certain things anyone would think i was being censored by bots ?  Now the best you get from me is poverty vegetables and jumble sales so im not quite shore what is going on, but i start writing a post then it goes all waffy and it wont let me continue. this is as far as ive got in days . Maybe its viral  , but woe betide i try to correct the spelling or punctuation it loses the plot altogether . 

Anyway nothing interesting going on here im building up to a mummy post and youre going to love the latest chapter . Theres a big jumble tomorrow , i need nothing, but i need the stress relief . Weve had more grim family news , so we need to see where thats going ....hey ive got further than its let me go on longer  than ive got all week . So i apologise for the spelling and punctuation , I darent correct it just incase and i will be back ....

Prep On 2

 So im thinking this may turn into a wee series of daft stuff i think will be useful in the event , not sure what the event may be , it may just be more poverty due to inflation . Ive somehow filled the freezer so im having to look for alternatives for storage of garden produce . I have noticed that the warm weather means that theres a lot of mince out there of every sort on yellow sticker . i always take it out of the packaging and bag it , twice the meat for half the space . so i now have a drawer of lego bricks of mince for the winter . Then yesterday i ventured into Heron and they had mountains of beef meatballs 12 for 85p yellow stickered so i bought quite a few packs , they have been bagged some will become burgers others will be flavoured for various winter meals . On the foraging meat point do visit obscure Tesco Express and mini Morrisons or Sainsburys in the afternoon they often have yellow stickered meat i managed to get a huge pack of boned and skinned chicken thighs that ive chopped and split down into bricks , i had some out of date packet mixes so i coated then with salt and pepper mix and chicken tikka mix once again great for winter stirfries or wraps etc 

Then i had a moment ive been looking for Bombay Potatoes in a tin but like most things i like ive either been priced out or just cant find them , . So i ventured to Amazon and found The Old India Spice Co.  based in Leicester you cant get more Indian than that . They do a whole range of herbs and spices in various sizes and low and behold Bombay Potato mix . We are going to be overun with spuds this year so with the addition of a one or two yogurts and a couple of spoonsful of the spice mix , obviously adjust to taste , bingo bombay potatoes ! Now the area i live in has a large community of Chinese and we have three really good Chinese supermarkets so thats going to be on the list of places to visit before winter . In fact whatever ethnic supermarkets are round you , pay a visit you may be surprised at what they stock and theyre usually English speaking and very helpful

Foodie

 It was day the munchkin and daughter and daughters friend were available , i detest weekend shopping im not into crowds , but they blackmailed me into going with a jumble sale to start with ...lol 

The usual cat jumble sale , a winter top, a handful of books, a door curtain and a voile curtain to beef up the fly protection a whole £2. Then onwards to Lidl  not an egg to be seen , nothing much in the freezer stuff , no cooking bacon , but most everything else , they even had bottled water something thats becoming hard to find , im not in the doomsday prepper realm of water storage but i do like to keep 2 or 3 cases, just in case himself needs it in the event.  

Daft stuff ive bought this week , a blue glass optrex eyebath , himself has boxes and boxes of plastic squeezy eyedrops he cant use because the plastic is so hard you cant squeeze the drops out , so to me this seemed the ideal solution. A couple of canning cookbooks the first one wasnt what it said it was , so beware of these large softbacks when it says 1200 days on the cover it may to us appear that means 1200 recipes instead it was about 50 recipes on waterbath canning  and the whole your going to die if you do this wrong , the worst my gran managed was a few memorable explosions , she learned during two wars so i tend to believe her methods . The second book was more useful it had hundreds of seasonal veg pickles and waterbathing . Ho hum not that i didnt need more cookbooks .

So now the gardening becomes urgent we had the first monsoon for 6 weeks last night so i many be able to get some potatoes up today.......onwards 

Dead

 So i travelled to the depths of Scunthorpe for a family funeral yesterday , i had to go on my own while brother in law babysat. It seemed to take forever , endless cyclists farm machinery and roads closed . I havent been out this way since before Covid  so theyd chucked lots of roundabouts in as surprises . Anyway i had to screech to a halt at the Crem with just minutes to spare , nothing unusual for me . Then im looking round and realise i know nobody , i was wondering if i had the right funeral . So we waited and waited and waited, the undertakers were on their walkie talkies , all very secret service and 15 minutes later they turn up , my cousins husband would have been impressed he was never on time for anything when he was alive . Genuinely nice bloke , with an evil sense of humour who will be missed . As we troop in i finally spot a couple i know and we sat together in the back pew the wonderful Ellen commented we had the naughty seat for whores , lesbians and ner do wells .  There was a real hell and damnation preacher he even looked like the wrath of god , he was reading the eulogy of the sainted coffin wearer and Ellen and I are looking at each other , it bore no resemblance to the poor bloke , in fact we were trying not to laugh at one point where they said he spent many happy hours in his father in laws garage . His father in Law my uncle hated the human race and if you went in his garage it was for one thing . A damned good bollocking . So it gets to the end and the curtains are closing and my cousin decides to hurl herself on the coffin best drama performance in years . They had been married 54 years so why the hell not . Talking outside after she was telling me that none of the family attended because they two had been shunned for years , partly for sticking up for me . My cousin is profoundly deaf and has been since i gave her measles as a kid so she tends to shout . But what they dont realise is shes the best lip reader ever and we communicate with her whispering in my ear and then reading my reply weve done this since i was a kid . She says ....did you like the jumping on the coffin bit?

i asked why there were no hymms and she says.. im not paying £120 quid for something i cant even hear 

I wondered about the eulogy, she said she could hardly tell the truth the vicar wouldnt have read it .

You see they were ardent naturists and well known local swingers thats why i didnt know anyone the guests were mostly from that side of their life , so all those respectable grey haired old folks all had a past ...lol 

Beetle

 So its gardening season and whilst in Boston we toddled into Wilko and i mooched round while daughter did her annual top up on gallons of shower gel i wandered down to the depths of the shop hoping to find anything garden on sale . Ermmm well the seeds wasnt on sale yet , do tell if anyone sees this on their travels . But what they did have was all the bulbs that are a bit shrivelled but just require a day in a bucket of water , so long as they are nice and solid theyre fine just sad looking . but what they did have were potato sets and they had dozens of bags in a big hopper 5p a bag most had the scraggly long sprouts but underneath were dozens of bags of maincrop that were just nicely sprouting so i made daughter buy some ..lol i havent room and her other half is a beginner gardener . There was a mountain of onion sets as well once again they just need a soak overnight and away they go and they thrive on neglect and scorchio weather . So for a grand total of £1.15  i got a garden load for them . and a sprouting ginger root and yet another pack of broad beans because me and the mice love them , gladioli are already poking through . So yes never listen to the instructions on seed packs , if theyre cheap enough just chuck them in , your losing pennies and they just want to grow .

OK so the other day i was sat on my stool rooting around for new potatoes  and in slow motion  i tumbled backwards but there was a problem i was beached flat on my back like a beetle in the potato row it took me half an hour to scabble on my back up the row till i could reach the bench to pull myself up , theres no dignity in getting old...lol didnt hurt myself just wandered into the house covered in weeds and all himself said was,   Its 10 past 3 wheres my cuppa !!

Not Funny

 I had a stunning day out with daughter mooching round Boston , its started to pick up a bit and there seems to be much less empty property which is unusual with the current economy but then i noticed they are moving lots of stuff into the main square and precinct from the outer nooks and crannies so maybe they are gaining nothing who knows . We did the charity shops and bought nothing but a book in fact there doesnt seem to be anything very interesting in even the better charity shops and im not about to buy a £7 charity shop teashirt . I have noticed as ive started dragging all the stuff out to wear bought from the jumbles over winter that Lagenlook isnt for me i look like ive been draped in dust sheets im just weeble shaped round and short and it just doesnt work for me im proportionally wrong, so ho hum thats another bag filled to go to the charity shop . Couldnt resist a trip to the Polish bakery and supermarket it smelled so good and i came out with two huge pastries they do cheese and apple my grannies favourite and something you dont see here anymore , daughter was moaning at how expensive everything was but they have to van it here from Poland what can you expect plus these days i dont think its much dearer than Lidl .

Now for the funny not funny part of the day i had to go for my diabetic eye check , the girl doing it was very large and very beautiful , she seemed baffled that i can read the bottom of the eye chart and my vision is much better these days but as she sat down her gas powered chair deflated slowly and she vanished behind the desk this happened not once but three times and i was in stitches by that stage i felt awful for her . 

Today

 Its been nearly a week since Mr Bah Humbug had his wee nip and tuck and i got my first proper sleep last night . He has been a nightmare , I know hes been in even more pain than usual but refusing to take more painkillers has been interesting to say the least . I expected that we would be living with a grouch but he has managed to offend everybody even the munchkin , who said please come and live in our spare room ...lol    Anyway hes on the mend now its just an arm he cant use , but its his one good limb and i dont think it crossed his mind that he would be unable to use his crutches, or his walker, due to his crappy walking ability , or that if he tumbled he would just face plant . He couldnt even use his computer till the grandson got him a special disabled mouse from somewhere on the internet . So hes just sat festered and expected me to be two feet away and on his beck and call day and night, Getting him up onto his feet and turning him in bed has nearly killed me. So the munchkin and the sons have really helped  this weekend , they decided we should go to the immense windy hellhole that is Stickney carboot Saturday  they are now on about fitting his wheels with a remote control  so they can send him round like an RC car im not sure they were joking , he was trying to use his crap arm and kept running over people .  His constant criticism of my driving and him grabbing at the wheel ended when we had a screaming match in a layby and i threatened to just leave him there.  All i achieved for the four hour marathon round the dusty field  was a ginger mint plant ,a couple of 50p ornaments that made me smile and a huge quantity of veg . Thats todays chore process veg , im trying to think of an economical way of canning i have the jars i just need a new pack of seal tops but sticking stuff on for hours isnt an option i just cant afford the electricity . I will experiment once the garden veg starts to come in , im thinking of doing it over wood in the garden...lol  Right im off to watch canning videos on You Tube wish me luck