Sunday 31 May 2020

Plague 36

So another glorious day , im a great lover of heat so im lapping up the weather , here its almost always accompanied by a brisk breeze so its more than pleasant ,im busy digging out the compost bins adding wood ash and concocting rustic bean supports out of big lumps of hazel i pollarded a couple of months ago .  Chopped a pair of holey leggings to make plarn for tying everything together and ive just the brown wheely bin to finish emptying today . The local council started charging to take away garden waste a couple of years ago so i use that bin for degradable food waste and the odd lot of grass cuttings , i drilled a couple of holes at the bottom and it sits in a sunny spot festering but it makes quick compost .
Unable to breath today as im bedding in a new bra , the joys of being a big girl , industrial bras !! No good buying anything flimsy , it does annoy me theres lots of big girl bras out there these days but they always have flimsy straps , ive had some that actually make you bleed when you wear them , psoriasis is such a wonderful thing to have , sunshine does wonders for it . Finding bras without wires is another hard one if your a big girl , i cant make wired bras last more than a couple of weeks without poking an eye out , im an expert at putting wires back in, super glue and extra stitches can work wonders . Another bra gripe for big girls why are they all padded , i dont need them to look bigger ! Minimiser bras , squashing your boobs so they go into your armpits then you cant move your arms properly? WTF
How the hell did i go off on a whole bra rant ? 

Friday 29 May 2020

Plague 35

So here we are another beautiful plague morning on the edge of the fen , lots of Apache gunships playing with the RAF today so its a tad noisy not sure whose they are but its war games season at the moment . This usually horrifies the incomers who buy homes here , it doesnt cross the mind that we are surrounded by huge operational air bases . If youre raised here you just dont notice them anymore. Wish id had my camera yesterday as the Spitfire went over with an Apache following it , that must take some skill slowing down enough to follow but where else could they get to do that .
Received a lot of wish bits and bobs i ordered before the lockdown yesterday . theres one mystery pack of seeds that i havent ordered , they look like tomato so i may just plant them in a pot out of curiosity .  Is anyone else getting fed up with ebay and stuff coming from China , i know its drop shipping, it says its a UK seller but its not until you get the invoice it says its coming from China with a 5 week delivery date . Really need to visit Wilkos for loads of bits and bobs , does anyone know if they are open?
Then theres the whole sorry race carry on in the US , once again i think the edited highlights we get to see bear no resemblance to what is going on , more people are realising that we are being fed stories for our leaders political advantage .  The UK wont ever understand the race issues in the US , we were a slave owning nation in a different sense , slave holding was only for the very rich who might have a few house servants as a status symbol , it was mainly within the empire that slavery was common , so it didnt ever cross anyones path at home . Until the 50s people rarely saw a black face in the UK , even in this day and age in most of the rural parts of the UK you will see no one black . There were so many poor in the UK that slaves wernt needed , though nowadays modern slavery is becoming more comman here . So what do i know not a lot ...and i admit it

Wednesday 27 May 2020

Plague 34

Well this is fun , the new Blogger forced upon us specially for phones , not a lot of use to me because i would need a phone the size of a TV to be able to read anything. dont know about any of the rest of you ? 
I dont have a smart phone , crap hands mean i would just be tossing it on the floor all the time and theyre way out of my price range . My credit is so far through the floor that a contract phone isnt happening . Having an income below even normal benefit level doesnt compute .  My other half has a smart phone hes attached to my hip so why would we need two phones ? Once they switch us to Universal credit i will have zero income and become a complete non person in the governments eyes . 
But to lighten things up a little Tesco sent me a load of delivery slots for 3 weeks time , i always used to use Tesco for bulk deliveries as soon as lockdown started they ceased any local deliveries , havent seen a Tescos van for months . We have been stuck with the weird world of Morrisons and the strange substitutions once a month .  So now we should be able to self isolate shop 10 weeks in beggars belief really .
I went down to pick up a prescription missing from the last bargain bucket of other halfs medication list .
Why had we not been using the delivery service ? Because we were told our son must pick up our prescriptions and he cant drive so surely one person picking them up makes sense . Plus he cant pick up one item on the list only i can as a nominee for class A drugs . So im still stood tapping my foot at the window in the sunshine 20 minutes later as they discuss procedure for controlled drugs in the current situation. We can only get a class A drug on a hospital prescription anyway and believe me it seems to cause tons of problems , theres always some new bright spark GP wants to put him back onto the new wonder drug that nearly killed him .  They dont like it when you tell them to scroll back a bit  and spot the seizures and heart problems it caused first time around . 
Meanwhile fishing season is great this year BIL is likely to be off work for some considerable time so theyre toddling off together twice a week having got clarification back that its ok for him to fish with a carer due to disability . This gives me tons of time to work in the garden so im happily pottering .
We also got a letter from the council telling us all the help available to us as vulnerable tenants , better late than never , but out here i didnt expect help, the village network have supported the very elderly and ill the rest of us have muddled along as best we can 

Monday 25 May 2020

Plague 33

Well this has been a fun Bank Holiday weekend . Trial by internet of Dominic Cummings , he couldnt have written the script himself better .  What next hanging courtesy of Twitter?  The vile weasel may have finally overreached himself .  You can hear the rattle of the skeletons in the closet of Boris and Co .
Now i think there is a fair chance we are being played yet again . There was probably one of those cabinet meetings where they all nod their heads and agree with Cummings , that went a little like this .
So which one of you is going to end lockdown this weekend ?
Dont look vacant , though im sure you cant help it .
So heres this weekends cunning plan .
Theyre not leaping back to work quick enough , their not sending their kids back to school quick enough and their not doing enough to boost the economy . So one of you needs to be seen to have not taken a blind bit of notice of any of the rules and advice i have given yet still be alive to tell the tale.
Boris you had man flu and a baby for the team so your excused . Those of you have had a cough publicaly are excused . Whose got children they could have been risking ?  Mogg?

Dont look at me old chap nanny and the kids are at one of my mansions somewhere ?

FFS your all bloody useless when you want a good job done do it yourself , just fuck off for the weekend and i will sort this , what the fuck would you do without me?

So what next they sack him and hes offered millions for the book deal?  They sack him and he has curious accident belting up the A1?  They sack him and he brings the whole shoddy lying circus down around their ears?

The curious silence from Starmer does make me wonder if hes far better at the Game of Thrones than any of us have realised . Is he quietly forming a coalition government behind the scenes?  Or is he quietly negotiating with the civil service . After all they are the folks who have kept us fed during this whole omnishambles and if any one can, they can bring Cummings down, after all he publically announced that he planned to take an axe to the Civil Service , never underestimate the Sir Humphreys of this world .

Boris without his brain may be interesting , when Cummings falls who steps up to fill his shoes ?
Yet more Henry VIII comparisons if you know your history

Friday 22 May 2020

Plague 32

I had one of those strange thoughts the other night sort of 2am not sleeping very well thoughts .  What are the things in your life that are part of history you have lived through .

I suppose a Kennedy dying being on the tea time news and my parents being appalled .

Jack and Ivy who lived next door , i adored Jack as a small kid and followed him everywhere, they were the first people i ever saw who were tactile and loved each other, a strange contrast from my parents . Jack lived till well into his 90s surrounded by his prize veg , when i mentioned this to my mother years later , she chimed up that they wernt normal like other people . It seems that a year after his marriage Jack was taken by the Japanese at the fall of singapore he spent the whole war in a prison camp and he survived being castrated by the Japs , he and Ivy seemed like the happiest people i knew as a child . Who knew?

The moon landings , we were really broke at the time and my dad convinced me that they were walking on the moon for a treat on my 6th birthday and i believed that for years and it was the best birthday present .

The little girl running down the road on fire from the Napalm in Vietnam on the six oclock news

Going shopping in the candlelit Finefare  supermarket during the strikes of the 70s , watching the rats run in the piles of rubbish on every street  and the firemen with braziers locked out of the fire stations with the Green Goddess fire engines.

Watching the Poll Tax riots on the TV and being amazed that people behaved like that .

Then came the miners strike and seeing first hand the police doing cavalry charges against protesters , threshing bystanders with batons , i will never forgive or forget that as long as i live .

Lady Dis wedding , we got a day off work for that and spent it watching cricket and drinking cider .

The Falklands seemed unreal but i know to many  people damaged by that conflict and many more since

And now we have served up a global pandemic via the internet , all very medieval , for all the information available to us , i wouldn't even guess at the percentage of the truth out there .
I do wonder what else will be served up in my lifetime ....possibly aliens?

Wednesday 20 May 2020

Plague 31 Debt

I always hope i wont have to post a debt guide ever again , but somehow it never happens .
So you have been made redundant , welcome to the screwed up world of benefits .
Applying for Universal Credit , online only then they phone you back and set things going, in 5 weeks you should receive a payment in theory , they will be unable to tell you how much said payment will be at any stage till it lands in your bank account at which point you will be screaming down the phone at them . I have a friend who has ended up in this situation at the moment . It never crossed her mind that the payment including rent wouldnt cover the whole of her rent till it landed , she is left after paying her rent with £66 a month to feed her and her child . Universal Credit doesnt cover the whole of anyones rent and this puts those claiming it straight into debt . Now said friend is freaking out , this is after years of remarks about scroungers on benefits , with big tellys and always down the pub and i have to bite my tongue and tell her she can do it and she can get through this .
First point of contact is Health Visitor or GP  explain the financial situation they will get you foodbank vouchers , i know this is demeaning and you never thought you would sink so low , but this is how you are expected to live if you dare to collect benefits .
Hopefully you have already cancelled every direct debit you have. Rung your energy suppliers to explain ,they have various schemes in place to help. You may be required to accept a prepayment meter, you no longer have to go to the shop to get electric and gas , so you will be spared being visably poor every time you top up . Water rates sadly they are still the spawn of satan and will have you to court in no time , but the courts are shut for debt at the moment so you will be spared the humiliation of joining the queue down the road on water day till the lockdown is over .
Mobile phones stop the direct debit use it as much as possible while its still working to sort stuff out , dont worry about the bill make no attempt to pay it just get a PAYG sim for when it goes off .
If you have a vehicle take it off the road literally and SORN it  . Do remember to disconnect the battery if it is going to be stood for more than a week . If its on finance tell them to come and get it .
The lockdown plus points are that you wont be required to attend the House of Lost Souls for a visit to your job coach , you wont be taken to court for anything debt related and youve got your kid for company 24/7 . 
At least if theres not much food you will lose weight as you pretend your not hungry at meal times and your child wont grow much if the quality of their nutrition is poor .

How bloody depressing is this ?  Its come to something when we can class ourselves as well off compared to so many at the moment .

Saturday 16 May 2020

Plague 30

Now im very fond of the little map that tells me where you all are today i have Cambodia  Gibralter and Hong Kong at the bottom of the list . The one that worries me however is unknown region , is this perhaps Atlantis , aliens another dimension maybe?  So if your the viewer from unknown do say hello .
Im enjoying the peace as the socially isolated duo of other half and his brother have gimped off to his dads, to start on the sheds at the actual house now . Ive noticed that various strange piles of crap have appeared in the garden , including two sets of large aluminium ladders , hes got till the end of the month, we already have ladders we dont need more !!  Plus the kitchen has gained a large router with all the bench and bits and other stuff that comes with it , im informed they are just passing through , knowing my other half hes planning on trying to hide them somewhere here . I do love him but he is the pack rat from hell . He did say that trying to clear his dads mess makes him realise how bad it would be if he snuffed it , not noticed him getting rid off anything
Then he announced hes thought of getting a camper van , it would be easier to fish he says with his toilet with him , i already spend half my life dealing with that side of things , so cleaning out a camper van loo would be a real holiday treat for me to look forward to .  I just want a nice normal holiday but his disabilities rule out most places , theres a few holiday cottages that cater for the disabled but theyre booked up years in advance and so expensive theyre out of our league .
 You dont realise the daft aspects of caring for someone with a disability , to look at my other half when hes sat down he appears perfectly normal . When hes up and walking you can see something is very wrong , his legs dont appear to be on quite right and he walks badly even with his crutches .  It also looks like hes had a stroke on one side, this comes and goes through the day , but its much worse as the day goes on. when hes bad his words slur he gets word salad and the tremors come out with a vengeance. His neuropathy is getting worse , not much that anyone can do about this , every time he moves he causes more spinal and nerve damage ...ho hum probably come home today with a hidden mini digger or something , it never crosses his mind that he cant do something till it goes wrong , then i get the "are you busy" phonecall or text to go and rescue him . Case in point got the phonecall the other day while i was hoovering , hed decided to go under the car on his wheely board and after scuttling round the drive a few times realised he had not a hells chance of getting off it . It took two of us to get him back on his very wobbly feet . As im chuntering into the house he shouts " you never know till you try" AAARRRGGGHHHH

Thursday 14 May 2020

Plague 29

Well here we are in the beautiful quiet hear the birdsong fen edge .  I think the one good point of the current work not work shambles is that both the builders who have driven us mad with the endless power tools and deliveries , scuttled out their doors at great speed on Monday morning . I think both their partners are glad to see the back of them . 
Himself has announced that he and his brother are going fishing Friday , as he cant fish without a carer and his brother has severe asthma they make a fit and healthy pair . His brother coughs a lung up to order so that should frighten everybody away .

Yesterdays trip to Lidl was a giggle , there was a little tiny old lady out shopping she could barely see over the trolley . No mask or gloves but shed put her big coat on . The security guard chimed up , with .
Should you be out? Have you no one to shop for you ?
"Bollocks" came the reply as she sauntered in to continue her shopping , it gave the queue a good giggle and the security guard looked gobsmacked .  Everybody in the shop was giving her a very wide berth . Is this the start of very old people never being seen?  a tad worrying .

Just to put my life at risk i once again visited B&N lots of stock , no queue , the place was packed  did my usual pop down the far end for the Heron section and headed out, only they had one till and the queue was the entire length of the shop , Miss 2 metres apart was going crazy , it seems they were supposed to have only 20 people in the shop and one in one out . I did point out their were no signs , only to get the death stare as she stomped outside . Yep you guessed it all the signs had blown down to the bottom of the car park , guess they should have kept the security guard in a job .

Had to deliver a load of shopping to daughters , shes not been to well the joys of auto immune illnesses and stress , her other half does the shopping but as she says , he cant go in a shop and not come out without spending £30 on nothing , or meal plan to a budget in his head . First time ive seen her and the munchkin since this started even if it was at a distance . He wanted to come to stop but it seems hes on the list to go back to school because hes year 6 in the next couple of weeks .

Now that the urgent gardening is up to date i have the time to do a bit more crafty stuff  at last , tried doing tie dye the other day just for a giggle and it went suprisingly well . a jumble sale top and sundress are now very and the cat has blue whiskers

Monday 11 May 2020

Plague 28

Come on now folks , we are all quite clear about what is expected of us today ?  Everybody should go to the garden center today , via anything but public transport ? 
Back to work today , lets hope someone bothered to tell the owners of businesses or the gates will be locked .  So go to work , but not by public transport , so get on your bike?  With a bit of luck you should be home for dinner ?
Right i now think i have this figured out and translated . Unlimited exercise is meant as , because there is little public transport available due to so many train and bus drivers dying and still being off ill . You need to get on your bike because we cant cope any longer without our cleaners , nannies and au pairs .  There really were people who were very rich ringing up employment agencies asking how to do the washing and what you do with a hoover .
Going to the garden center is code for nipping out to see your lover in a car park somewhere , buying a Hydrangea is code for doing a spot of dogging down the garden center after dark .
Social distancing means just run if you see anyone else , bit dangerous if you happen to be black and its an inner city area .
Will this affect me in any way is back on , so Mr BH is champing at the bit awaiting the pits reopening and clarification that if it states that you can only go alone , can he take a carer .

just hurry up and die you daft buggers , its not going quickly enough yet , we still have a few spare ventilators

Friday 8 May 2020

Plague 27

Ho hum another Groundhog Day on the edge of the fen , on a plus note the 8 year old white cabbage seed are sprouting somewhat to my amazement and there appear to be radishes popping up allover the place because i just bashed the seed tub remnants of everything against a gate pillar a few weeks ago while cleaning it out .  So natures bonus is surprising me yet again , the plum tree is covered in tiny fruit after giving us next to nothing for years , it will be amazing if they make it to harvest , the wind and the wasps usually get most of them . So a quick pop out today for butchers stuff and the tin factory subject to them being busy , if they are we will have a ride out but not visit . I wouldnt normally shop anywhere on a Saturday but himself is bored and driving me mad .
Has anyone noticed that there is no news online or on TV about what is happening in the African countries , all the news seems to be very sanitized and censored at the moment , all very white Anglo Saxon.  We are all aware that black and asian people are being killed at much higher rates than whites even in the West , with modern healthcare . So what is actually going on out there ?  A friend did send me one article about Native Americans taking a real kicking from Covid because there is virtually no medical cover on the reservations , many dont even have water supplies to their homes .
Maybe some people would take things more seriously if they wernt showing just the edited highlights and all the bullshit propaganda we seem to be being fed . 

                                               Garden Marys annual appearance

Tuesday 5 May 2020

Plague 26

So lets look into my crystal ball .....2021
Scientists are looking into a prominent rise in certain birth defects , some suspect it may be a result of the Covid 19 virus . It has been denied that the government may be responsible for their early reintegration of fertility services during the epidemic .  Several have been arrested for reporting that the superior spaffings of our leader may be involved .

Boris Brexit boxes are now being delivered to all houses , they contain large quantities of British beer and gin , tins of soup bread and custard creams , we are now entering week 56 of lockdown for the non essential .  It also helps those properties that are full of the dead to be identified as the boxes will still be there next week and the local council will investigate . this system hasnt been a great success as a great many parcels are stolen if left .  The earlier scheme where you went out and clapped for the Leader was thought to have been better at identifying the death houses .

Now that your phone app informs you when you may go outside , if there is Covid cases in your area , counts the steps you take and checks your food intake the whole population is benefitting from improved health and as such there is no longer a need for GP services . The new super NHS is amazing , privately run its come on in leaps and bounds to be a service we can be proud of . Sir Richard Branson is running it well in his retirement as a compensation for his airlines going bust . Dave up the road has however been arrested for strapping his phone to his dog and letting it roam all over while he watched Netflix .
More suggested glimpses into the future please folks!!

Sunday 3 May 2020

Plague 25

So here we are at the Silver Jubilee Plague post . Well its sunday morning in the fens and its much like every other Sunday morning in the fens , sunny but a bitter wind so until it warms up a little i will sit and have yet another cuppa , put in several loads of washing and contemplate various garden chores i need to get round to . May take the cats out for a toddle as ive spotted a  nothing like raiding a skip for anything useful .

while trying to clean the awkward stair window last evening i nearly burnt out my retinas, now since lockdown there has been a bit of a competition going on with a couple of the neighbours who are stuck at home , there have been daily deliveries from the builders merchants , fork lifts whizzing about , much sounds of machinery etc . You can only see into the gardens from our tiny stair window and then only hanging out of it to clean it . One appears to have built a small brick bungalow at the bottom of his garden and the other has paved everywhere and installed a huge hot tub which i was truly unfortunate to witness at just the wrong time last night as he waddled down the yard to climb in stark bollock naked . Why me??

Then theres the fact that due to public outcry the Local Council is opening the household waste sites with social distancing rules , which seems like a good idea . Till you read all of it . You must go only with a prebooked appointment , it is only for garden waste , you may not take a trailer or van . Now it may be me , but surely fly tipped garden waste is the least of the fly tipping problem it will biodegrade where its dumped eventually , not ideal but thats what will happen , surely they would be better accepted ordinary none biodegradable waste to reduce fly tipping ?  To obvious i feel .

Daft publishing of the day , i spotted a death by Corona map by postcode  making the headlines in the Daily Heil ,  very misleading , it looks like there have only been the odd deaths in this county so it makes us look like the best holiday destination in the country come releasing everyone . Surely a map of Corona cases would have been more useful . The survival rates are really good here , you have to be damned unlucky to die from it . Mainly because we dont have a great many black or asian residents or areas with high density living . We also dont have a great many hospitals or GPS and a very high pensioner population , so if the hoards turn up it could quickly turn us in to the killing fields.