I have to admit that one of the pleasures of this summer is the fact that due to a road closure locally we are cut off from the tourist hell that is Woodhall Spa , so not a lost caravan do we see , unless you want a slipped disc or vehicles with damaged tyres and suspension going down the fen roads is interesting to say the least . We now have a 32 mile round trip to access the doctors and this is until late September . The road closure was necessary the road is collapsing .
Anyway lets talk about tourism , Woodhall is a time warp large village , famous for its 1940s weekend , reading some of the gripes and reviews online has been fun. Endless moaning about the public toilets , theyre clean adequate and very 1940s , be grateful theyre open , squatting in the woods with our killer squirrels sounds more fun? Parking ? thats right theres barely any , you may have to walk miles to get to the center of the village , maybe you would like us to concrete over all the woodland to make more room? Theres bugger all in the local Coop or Sainsburys local , that is correct , you have stripped the bleedin shops like a flock of locusts , welcome to our world . If we want to shop we get up and are queing at 8am outside the butcher and baker its the only time you can get a parking space . But best of all someone has been stung by an adder , can we not do anything about them? There are lots of them in our local woodland it is hot they like to sunbathe , so stick to the tracks , dont let your kids rampage through the trees in their flip flops or you £2000 pedigree pooch run about off lead , tons of warning signs try reading them !! The squirrels ? dont park your overpriced eco vehicle in the woods with the window open a crack because its hot and you have an amazing alarm system , once your squirrel burglers are in the vehicle they will freak once the alarm goes off , you will be miles away trudging into the village . Meanwhile passers by will be making a video for you tube of just what damage an irate squirrel can do to your vehicle , he just wanted to climb in and eat the left over Quavers from your kids car seat in peace , now hes crapping all over the car freaking and ripping your upholstery to shreds .
Ha, I really needed that laugh, thank you! You've a real way with words.
ReplyDeleteWe've had extra-daft tourists round here too (Driving on the wrong side! Annoyed about people and small boats in the river "spoiling it"! Complaining "there are only independent coffee shops, no chains"!!). Stay home then, where you know you can park/ avoid wildlife/ go to Costa!!
my pet hate stopping in passing places for a picnic
DeleteBrilliant absolutely brilliant.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to rural life! You gave me a good smile today. Our rural problem today, which some tourist or newbie resident doubt complain about, is the agricultural smell! Luckily too hot to open windows!
ReplyDeleteits venting out at the local chicken farms due to the heat , makes your eyes sting . dont you just know some irate vegan will be writing as we speak
DeleteI spent the killer winter of 1962 at my cousins bungalow,next to the park in Woodhall Spa. No heating. It was a bleak and miserable place then. Sounds like its changed a bit.
ReplyDeleteWe had a neighbour who had moved to the country for the country life! But she chose a house next to the miking parlour of a farm. She never stopped complaining about the noise and smell of cows and wanted the council to make the farmer move his parlour!!!
It hasn't changed that much...lol
DeleteMany moons ago I worked for our local council. For some reason the letters from complete nutters always seemed to make their way onto my desk. A particular favourite was a long rant about the mud dropped by agricultural vehicles onto the roads, which would 'put off the tourists'. But the absolute winner was one from a couple who had always enjoyed holidays in a particular market town, so much so that they bought a retirement home there and then took the trouble to complain that there were too many tourists clogging up said market town in the summer....
ReplyDeleteI was on holiday in England on a caravan site when a man picked up an adder with a stick to show his Grandson-it bit him and he ended up in hospital x
ReplyDeleteIt happens in he city too. I work near the Entertainment District (lots of theatres, restaurants, clubs etc.) and in the last few years many condos have been built to accommodate all those who wished to live downtown next to the excitement. Of course they are now the same people who complain about the crowds out and about late into the night and the noise from the clubs!
ReplyDeleteI never knew squirrels broke into cars! the innocent little critters that come out of the wood begging for scraps at my back door now look menacing.
ReplyDeletei love squirrels , but experienced tourist lover squirrels are like the mafia
DeleteThat made me laugh! I love reading Trip Advisor reviews and the stuff idiots (always British) moan about - someone left a negative review for a Greek studio apartment as they didn't have a spatula in the kitchen and it had "ruined" their holiday! x
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