Thursday, 30 May 2019

Change

So im all of a bother about how to move forward . Daughter has bought a house so the plan is to be moved by the school summer holidays , this means i have to figure someway to move forward on paying an extra £25 a week rent , i figure maybe £10 to £15 a week may be saved in electric and food but that still leaves me to find £10 to £15 each week . Other half wont contribute this is my problem he has terminal ostrich syndrome when it comes to money , he spends every penny he can on his hobbies if it doesnt benefit him he will contribute nothing . He cant help this so no amount of squealing and shouting will change this fact , his utter selfishness is caused by his illness this will get no better . In fact once we go over to Universal Credit im well and truly screwed , everything will be payed in his name , I will receive nothing payed in my name . Ive just got to somehow get them to pay the rent direct to the landlord AARRGGHHHH  if the money lands in his bank account he will just spend it  He currently pays for everything on direct debit the day he gets payed if hes left any money , the parcels are arriving every day.
So change is going to be a bit of a pickle, the stress is starting to get to me big time im afraid , no matter how i do the sums i cant make the figures add up , everytime I think were getting ahead something trivial kicks us in the teeth .
He presents well when he has visitors and guests , but its all front, he panics when you try to get thought out of him , hes a nightmare when his physical problems worsen in any way even if its temporary.  He has to live with the thought of is it today I cant move at all , what joint will give way next or which nerve will be dead when i wake up in the morning , his bones are crumbling away and doing more and more physical damage but its the mental aspects that are hardest .

16 comments:

  1. Oh Katie, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. You put such a down-to-earth face on everything but I'm sure none of us can understand just how stressful this is for you.

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  2. This is quite the dilemma for you. What I'm going to suggest may sound a bit drastic but may be you only option.
    Can you make some videos without his knowing to show how he truly copes? Talk to him about bills - talk about how you need to pay things - deliberately bring up things that will be stressful for him to show how he cannot cope. Are there any grounds to have him declared incompetent so that the money comes in your name?
    Track his patterns of behaviour - keep notes and film what you can.
    Keep records of everything.
    I know it's tough but you have to show that he cannot and will not look after himself. You may need to go so far as stopping to do anything for him for a day or two (he won't starve) just to show how much you actually do and how you are the responsible one.
    You also need to track the packages - what is he spending? How much is he spending? It's to demonstrate that he has no control over his actions and is part of his illness.
    I know it may sound like blackmail but if you stop cooking his meals and doing his laundry etc. then it may just bring it home to everyone about just how much you do and how much he is reliant upon you.
    I know it's a tough love situation and not something you want to do but it may be your only option.
    Good luck - and I'm not being flippant, I mean that sincerely.

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    1. much like the time when he failed the medical for his disability benefits , by being well presented and chatty ...ho hum ..im trying

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    2. Marjie you are right but Kate enables Mr BH.So nothing will change. we only get what we allow. Jen

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    3. Margie from Toronto - Kate is his Carer and as such looks after him and claims a monetary benefit for doing that. Your suggestion that she stops caring for him is not only inhumane (she must have stated that he needs caring for on her claim form) but could also mean she is fraudulent in claiming the Carers Allowance if she stops caring for him.

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  3. Women over the age of 30 are useless and create autistic children. Basically, you shuold never date a woman over the age of 25. Old women are stupid.

    https://womenarestupid.site/blog/women-over-the-age-of-30-are-useless-and-create-autistic-children

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    Replies
    1. thankyou for this informative link . It has helped me figure out why you are so lonely .

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  4. Bugger Kate, what a nightmare for you. I've no idea what to suggest, I hope you manage to work something out.

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  5. Life really is a rollercoaster, I feel for you Kate. I would really love to come up with a solution. It sounds crazy that the carer isn't in charge of the funds as you are the one running the home, can you get this point across to the powers that be?

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  6. If the problems are caused by his illness could you apply for an enduring power of attorney if you have a social worker or advocate they could advise you or the citizens advice bureau.
    It is a difficult situation to be in at the wry least you need to explore your options .

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    1. ive looked into this and its a lot harder than it used to be and a lot more expensive

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  7. Universal credit will pay the rent direct for you if you tell them the circumstances. I feel so sorry you have these problems. Mental health issues are so difficult to deal with. Could you claim carers allowance? I would imagine that would be paid direct to you.

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    1. i get carers now and thats what buys luxuries as he sees them , groceries, pet supplies, water rates because its in my name , pays my debts . On universal credit it will go to him as head of the household

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  8. My heart goes out to you Kate, I wish I could come up with a solution. Hope you manage to find a solution.

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  9. Can you get yourself named as head of the household? Put everything in his name? See how he likes it all piling up on him.

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