Monday 31 October 2016

Writing From The Grey Fields

Sometimes I slip into the grey fields , for the most parts I wander the footpath on the edge and I have for all my adult life . Spectacular drops off into it were after the birth of my son 22 years ago , I really was looking for the numbers on the side of his head it wasnt a game it was post natal depression on a grand scale , hallucinations the works .  Not helped by a totally indifferent partner of the pull yourself together frame of mind . Lovely doctor helped me through that .
Then I had two car accidents in the space of three months and was having panic attacks every time I got in a car . Medication really helped that at the time .
My dad dying and my divorce was helped along by some lovely ladies at Stoneham who did a lot of work with me and helped me get away from my vile ex .
So every now and then I have a nasty wobble , got up this morning and cant face work , so im turning my phone off , usually my trigger is exhaustion , which is fair enough, im working hideous hours and Mr BH isnt sleeping so hes keeping me awake ,I  plan to go back to bed and snore if i can . But Mr Bah Humbug has pointed out its my mother that has set me off , he knows me to well . We had a real gritted teeth conversation yesterday .

Why havent you rung me for three weeks?
( thought to myself , because youre never at home or asleep pissed in front of the TV , have you never thought to ring me? shes rung me twice in 10 years )

Because ive been at work all hours mother

Its not good enough , do you know Margarets daughter rings her every day ?

Yes mother

Marys in the hospital liver failure , shes got to give up drinking or she will die , what am i supposed to do shes not going to want to go on days out is she ?
(code for days out is use your free bus pass , to go to another town , shop till opening time then sit and get leathered while having a pensioner special lunch )

Maybe you could both give up drinking together?

Thats your trouble , you chose to live a miserable life . You should be more selfish and live for yourself . Get rid of all those useless hangers on you live with .


Do you mean like you got rid of me mother ?

Here we go, more of your imaginary bullshit , making up stories about your uncle so you can cash in like those folks on the TV . You had potential and look where its got you . You have done nothing with your life that i can be proud of . Your dragging your daughter down , she'll soon leave you and get on with her life , shes just like me. I bet that idle creature you live with is black thats why you dont bring him here .
(deafening silence)

Well its good to see that your feeling well  mother. Goodbye !!

I shant ring her for 4 weeks this time !!!!
And I must add my daughter is lovely and nothing like her damned grandmother!!


  1. Oh Kate. I wouldn't ring her at all if I were you. Why bother? Ok, so she gave birth to you, but as she's clearly a nasty, spiteful old bat who has nothing good to say (and as for practically calling you a liar...well, words fail me), I would say you don't owe her a thing, not even a phone call. You stay strong and keep going (and with a marvellous sense of humour) through incredibly difficult circumstances, you don't need someone like her dragging you down. I hope you get some well earned rest today Kate. I admire you.

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  2. With a mother like that who needs enemies. I'm not surprised you're feeling down. Put yourself first and ignore her as she's proved she's not worth your time. Good luck and best wishes.

    Joan (Wales)

  3. I feel your pain with regards to your mother. I haven't spoken to mine for years and I don't intend to ever again.
    It's a good job you can choose your friends isn't it?
    Keep strong Katie.

  4. You work so hard looking after every one else - now it's time to put yourself first and do whatever you need to do to feel better and if that includes not ringing your Mum, then so be it - Look after Katie now and bugger everyone else - hugs xxx

  5. You poor thing no wonder you feel unwell today. Get some rest and hope you feel better soon. Think of yourself.

  6. Cyber hugs and lots of them Kate.
    Margaret (from Oz)

  7. I wish I had something wise to say but I know that you know how to deal with your depression in the most positive way. You are a strong and capable woman and I admire you. Many, perhaps most would have cracked by now. I hope the positive messages you receive here are helpful.

  8. Cyber hugs for all that you are going through.
    You are right not to phone her .... something needs to change. Stay strong.
    **hugs** diane @ @ thoughts&shots

  9. Hugs from me too Katie, I hope you feel better soon

  10. What a nasty piece of work your mother is! I suppose you can't choose your family, If my mother spoke to me like that I wouldn't ring her ever again. Cyber hugs, hope you feel better soon, don't let the old witch get to you x

  11. Thinking of you and sending you hugs