Is It Me?

Forgive me for i have sinned , i bought my first item of clothing new this year . apart from underwear this rarely happens , i was in B&N stood at the tills paying for my peppered spam ration , a rare and wonderous foodstuff..lol  They had several trollys of kids clothing knocked down to a quid at the tills , when a girl pulled up with a trolley full of packs of leggings , she chirped up to the girl on the tills .
Nobodys gonna want these , theyre all for fat fucks . much sniggering ensued you could here the rattle of their tiny braincells . So i picked them up and looked £3 for two pairs excellent .
They seemed rather quiet when i left . But then i did comment.......Fat fuck leggings just what i needed !!
Then in my surreal world I was pottering round doing the hoovering in the passage when out of the corner of my eye something moved halfway down the hall . Weaving towards the hoover was a full size grass snake , not sure who was more suprised me or it . I shrieked and it shot behind the cat litter tray , Mr hobbled through to see what the fuss was , so i moved the tray and showed him . He then proceeded to go full snakes on a plane trying to get to it to beat it to death with his crutch ..bleedin men .  I pointed out it was harmless and scooped it up with the dustpan and brush , they dont have venom but a big one can bite so its a long sleeves and trousers job . Popped him on the grass pile in the garden while Mr wanted to play at photographing it , it played dead for a minute then shot off . I was busy wrangling a furry bundle of fury that wanted to play with it , bleedin cats are great .