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Tuesday, 3 May 2016

Positively Not Positive

I watched a programme about those trying to gain a place at the Invictus games last night , for those abroad these are games for disabled veterans they are being held in the USA this year . They talked to the partner of one man who had lost a couple of limbs to an IED and had a black hard time coming to terms with it . She said it affected everyone in the family , there were no days out as a family etc etc .
He also talked about the mental health side of what had happened to him , how he couldnt see any point in his existence etc etc.
There are no comparisons but a lot of parallels in what Mr Bah Humbug and we as a family are having to go through .  He goes to some deep dark places in his head at times , the tablets help a little but not a lot , when hes hurting hes bleedin evil to be around , he says the pain never ever goes away and they have told him it will get much much worse .
They did tell him he could self request counselling but he refuses, because he says why would some middle class do gooder understand that this is life over , no amount of positivity will make his situation any better.
 He did have a wellbeing co-ordinator who was at best useless , she suggested he make use of a free gym pass but he cant go to the gym his unstable vertebrae put pad to that , he has a set of exercises he has to do each day. He cant walk very far at all  , it is just yards then he spasms and hes stuck there for however long it takes to unspasm . He can climb stairs but struggles to get down them because he cant feel his feet at all , any slight slope upward in a pavement and he struggles with his balance . He cant have crutches or sticks because his arms are held on with plates and pins and his lack of feeling in his arms and hands gets ever worse . His last operation did a little it stopped his arm spasming, but it now feels like hes got boxing gloves on all the time .
But what has occasioned this negative rant ?
The other day we had the  Jehovah's Witnesses round two gentlemen of a certain age , who for years have visited me in this rural end of nowhere every few weeks , im not about to join them but theyre a pleasure to have an intelligent conversation with .We were discussing Prince and his recent death and how Jehovah's Witnesses dont eat black pudding  Mr Bah Humbug staggered out to see who i was talking to as i was gardening, as they left he said , "do you realise theyre the first people other than us ive spoken to in nearly two weeks" how sad and awful is that.    

12 comments:

  1. That is 'sad and awful' Katie and I can relate to the isolation. I am at home all day and I can go weeks without actually speaking to anyone other than immediate family. The neighbours are all out at work all day and on coming home just dive for their front doors. It will hopefully get better in the summer when people stay out in their gardens more and stop to chat to each other but the winter is a very lonely time.
    Hugs to you both-x-

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    1. its the same here , but at the moment hes not at his work training scheme because of the Bank Holiday , plus funds are that tight we cant go anywhere, im struggling for ideas of where we can go because of his walking

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  2. Sad and awful indeed. I can relate to that too I can go days without seeing anyone other than family particularly in the Winter.

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  3. I am shocked at your husbands view!. middle class do gooder comment!.
    Sounds like he is just where he wants to be!. Why should he bother to help himself , it's much easier to criticise other people and convince other people he is right.
    So only other people who don't work in his view can help him!. Ouch
    I am sick of blame culture we are all responsible for our own life's, health and wealth.

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    1. only people in his situation is the point , he no longer has control over much of anything in his life even his bowels .

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    2. Katie if your husband has no control over his bowels, have you thought about a bowel regime?. Medication to constipate him for 2 days, then medication to make him go. We use it all the time at work, transforms peoples life's. Certainly of when he will go , no accidents.

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    3. I think that would probably get me arrested for disability abuse

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  4. That's very sad Kaye, he sounds very depressed. I don't know where you find the strength to cope with everything and stay relatively upbeat.

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  5. Kate, not much I can say, except it is hard to deal with on a daily basis, and I am speaking from experience.
    Kirrie, working with people who have health issues, including incontinence is one thing, living with them is entirely different. I have worked as a nurse, and am now looking after my husband who has nerve damage to his lower body, I also listen to my oldest daughter on a daily basis, who will probably end up in a wheelchair, medication for her bowels won't work if she has no feeling at all.

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    1. Nerve damage is such an invisible problem , you can look perfectly fine but nothing works properly , my other half says it like trying to knit with boxing gloves on, or tap dance with divers boots, it's just so frustrating

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  6. Bring him 2 me in library & we'll commiserate 2gether. I had a religious do-goober (u know who!)tell me I have 2 endure my suffering so as medical research can advance & future generations can b helped & suffer less. What the heck could I say 2 that?

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    1. smile sweetly and brain them with an encyclopedia ? or suggest they have a transgender library event ?

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