Pack Up

 Well im afraid its time to pack up early for xmas. lifes throwing us curveballs im afraid . Mommy Dearest had a stroke on Sunday night , we fpund out that the nightstaff at the home dont speak much english so it was fun trying to figure out what was happening until they put the paramedic on the phone , mother is DNR and on end of life care, she has detiorated greatly over the last month i was having to deal with hysterical night staff and  a paramedic who didnt want to take responsibility and intended to take it up the food chain because they couldnt find the correct green form . it was eventually decided to get the on call doctor to come to her , not a big problem as the hospital is just across the car park .  Eventually the english speaking manager and the doctor got back to me, the doctor said he didnt see  the point in her going to the hospital as it would involve a 12 hour wait on a trolley in a corridor before she was even seen , by this time mother had perked up enough to be shouting abuse in the background , the home manager was happy for her to stay there as the missing green form had now been found . The doctor said he was going to sedate her for a couple of days and now we are at the point where despite the stroke shes more alert than she has been for a few weeks and very irate because she has to have a cup of tea in a sippy cup . Who knows ? will she make xmas ? or will her temper kill her . So long as shes safe and well cared for i dont see what else we can do  

Therapy

 I suppose my lack of Xmas spirit stems from my mother and her Hyacinth Bucket Xmases we had as a child , back in the 60s and 70s, fun wasnt welcome at those occasions , it was having to be a colour co ordinated member of the family , having to sit on the knee and be polite to my abuser , a tinsel xmas tree because she couldnt be doing with the mess and my poor old dad never being good enough or getting nothing but abuse from her , if she wasnt the center of the universe at any occasion we both suffered . Between that and the 100 a day clouds of cigarette smoke , it was menthol so it was good for you and the booze that didnt bring out the good in any of them i spent every second i could get away from them hiding under my bed crouched on the lino , just hoping my uncle didnt get sent to find me . I was so relieved when i aged out from his attentions and he found a younger niece to play with .  A few years ago i bumped into my Aunt and probably out of sheer malice asked how my cousin was these days her face was horror struck and she just garbled that she hasnt seen her in years . 

Time Ticking

 Not around a great deal at the moment , to many problems to little time , himself has  been exceeding my expectations in so many ways ,,lol .. well he decided he wanted to take me xmas grocery shopping to the big Tesco at Boston it was an experience, hes on his buggy at ramming speed , not paying a jot of attention to the shopping we actually need  but busy bar humbugging at all the xmas stuff i wasnt going to buy anyway at the top of his voice.  He was busy saying im not paying that and slinging stuff out of the trolley when i finally snapped and pointed out that we have to eat something regardless of cost and that most of the stuff still in the trolley was stuff i couldnt eat anyway . Talk about the death silence , it got a tad frosty thats for shore and i will need to manage a shop without him before xmas .

Then in his disordered thinking mode it seems he had been inviting the world and his wife for xmas dinner ffs this resulted in a bit of a discussion, so we now have them spread over two days which is more manageable but is probably going to kill me as im still only running at 50% plus theres the cost of it all , not helped  by his biggest FUp . You see we ran out of heating oil and we cant get a delivery till the 22nd  plus hed spent the soddin oil money on vehicle parts for other folks who arent likely to pay this side of xmas , so weve had to use the grocery money. we do get a payment on the 23rd so then i will have to run round and get everything i need , hopefully without him. Daughter is sponsoring my bad jumble and auction habit for my xmas present and ive managed to quietly flog a few bits here and there .

Then theres Mommy Dearest who has taken to her bed to die , she is now officially allowed to after a meeting with social services old uncle Tom Cobley and all. after a couple of months in the 1950s which i suppose was her happy time she has packed up and left the building .  It has been noted by other family members who are disgusted that we are not making more effort to keep her alive , but shes well looked after and safe and theres nothing much more anyone can do at this stage